Tag: art

Awesome Fantasy Figurines For Your Mom’s Basement

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fantasy figurines
Try not to have a nerdgasm when looking at Etsy seller DemiurgusDreams assortment of cool fantasy figurines. You’ll definitely need to make some space in your mother’s basement if you’re going to collect them all. Hey, I ain’t judging. I may not live with my mom, but she lives with me. I choose to take the basement cuz I’m cool like that. Just like I choose to spend my weekends free from any members of the opposite sex. I’m better than you is what I’m saying. No, not really. I’m a sad sad man and I need to buy some kick-ass fantasy creatures to make it all better.

I’m gonna buy ’em all and make them fight on my shelf. Take that life! These miniature beasts are a soothing salve for my awkward nerdiness and permanent butt-acne.
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Freaky Gray Alien Art

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weird grey alien art
Etsy seller ponyclubgallery makes all kinds of painting involving alien grays. I’m not saying he’s in league with them or anything, but you know what they say. Paint what you know. This guy obviously knows alien grays and you know what that means. It means someone had missing time and woke up in a cornfield buttsore. But enough about me.

If displaying artwork featuring our alien/illuminati masters is your thing, head over to his shop and check them all out. He’s got aliens as pilgrims, aliens with dogs, aliens doing religious stuff… Heck the only thing missing is aliens playing poker. Good stuff. Weird, but good stuff.
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Yeti And Werewolf Faux Taxidermy

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Yeti and Werewolf Taxidermy
These Yeti and Werewolf heads are awesome. Why do I need a Yeti or a Werewolf head on my wall, looking like they tried to bust into my room like the Kool-Aid man, but got stuck when their fat heads came through? I just do. With a Yeti head on my wall I can have a Yeti sighting anytime I want. I’ll even go the extra mile and call it in to one of these Yeti sighting hotlines.

“Did you see a Yeti?”
Mocks her tone. Did you see a yeti? Yes. Yes I did.
“Where did you see it sir?”
In my livingroom. It’s looking at me right now.
“Are you in danger sir?”
Me? Pffft. I’m just chillin’ with a beer.
“Sir. You really should take this seriously. You are clogging up the lines for people who are really in danger.”
Whatevs. They don’t exist no how! Thanks for the drunk dialing adventure. Click.

Later that night… *Strange grinding noise is shaking the whole house. Sounds like some weird breathy electric saw too. Turns on the light to see an actual Yeti dry humping and having it’s way with my monster head.*
Oh, Hell no! Bad Yeti. Swats it with a rolled up newspaper. It runs away, darting out a window and leaving my now defiled monster head on the floor.

What the s**t! I guess they do exist!
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6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure

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nosferatu figure
Nosferatu, why don’t you come to your senses? You been out ridin’ fences for so long now… This 6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure scares the hell out of me. He looks like some squirrels nibbled on his ears. Apparently those glass eyes light up when you plug a 9-volt battery in, insuring nightmares for all. Only $700.

Also, check out those bags under his eyes. Dude needs more sleep. This is exactly what you will look like with this crazy freaky thing in your home. Say goodbye to sleep forever. Stop looking at me! I feel like he’s gonna make ferret-sucking type noises with those teeth.
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Dragon Lawn Flamingos

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dragon flamingo
Lawn flamingos are soooo 1950s trailer park. These days it’s all about dragons. Because dragons are awesome and breath fire and fly through the sky like they own that shizz. Cuz they do. I’ve seen the deed. You don’t mess with dragons. That’s why you should decorate your yard with these Dragon Lawn Flamingos from Etsy seller CedarMoon.

I just ordered like 5. I’m using them as bait. I’m hoping it will attract that chick from Game of Thrones. She’ll see them in my yard and be all like, “OMG dragons. Can I be your Queen?” I’ll be all like, “Yeah, but I only have one throne and that ain’t no game on Taco night. Cool?”
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