Tag: attack

Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks
If you like your makeup bag clawed and slashed, check out this one. It’s already been pre-slashed by a beast and it wasn’t me. I only leave claw marks on locked cupboards and the crack of my jeans. Some ointment fixed the latter, but I’m still trying to get to the Doritos that the wife locked up.

Anyway, this bag makes it look like you survived an attack from a monster and it even looks like it might be bleeding. Better put some peroxide on that and a band-aid. I hope it doesn’t need any…*Coy smile* cosmetic surgery.

See, because it’s a cosmetics bag. Oh whatever!
Read more “Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks”

Shark Attack Monster Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Shark Attack Monster Mask
Shark attacks only go two ways. You can either be the one thrashing and getting sliced and diced or you can be the one doing the chomping. I recommend being the shark. Then again, I also recommended Preparation H to that guy at work a few years back just because he was an a**hole! That guy was my boss. He recommended I find other employment. So here I am, finding weird and cool stuff. How’s my blogging? Call 1-800-I-AM-SO-THE-MAN!

Anywho, everyone you approach with this Shark Attack Monster Mask will be afraid you are going to bite their face off. Bonus: It kinda looks like a badass shark/wizard. Be back later. I’m rolling up a new D and D character based on this thing. So what if I have to carry a staff with a sponge-end and water myself every 5 minutes. Gonna call him the Shiz-zard.
Read more “Shark Attack Monster Mask”

Bookends That Attack

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bookends
You can’t have books without having some bookends to keep them all organized. Unless you are me and you use canned vegetables, because you’re cheap. What else am I gonna do, eat ’em? Anyway, if I eat that can of corn, my entire Game of Thrones book series is going to fall. Not that I read it. TV made it so I don’t have to read it. Anyway, did you know those books are like 500 pages? And they don’t even have a single picture of a dragon inside?

Anyway these awesome bookends from KnobCreekMetalArts all feature various attacks, with your books caught in the middle. Everything from tentacles attacking pirate ships, to dinosaurs trying to eat people, to aliens abducting people. Who needs to read the books when the bookends are so exciting?

Read more “Bookends That Attack”

Killer Zombie Bunny Eating Torn Underwear Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Killer Zombie Bunny Eating Torn Underwear SculptureThey don’t call it Fruit Of The Loom for nothing! Zombie bunnies love our cotton butt-baskets and that’s why their favorite method of attack is a running jump at our crack! Which usually ends with us down on the grass with a bloody chunk torn out of our rump and our underwear in it’s rotten zombie mouth as it chews and chews.

Etsy seller amysdeliciousvintage has commemorated zombie bunny attacks with this fine sculpture. I call it “Attack of the killer butt-muncher!”
Read more “Killer Zombie Bunny Eating Torn Underwear Sculpture”