Tag: awesome

Epic Little Trees: Bob Ross IS Thor

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epic bob rossYou want some happy trees? You want some pretty clouds? Bob Ross has channeled the power of Thor and is here to lay the smack down on any blank canvas that gets in his way. That’s why they call him Bob “the hammer” Ross.

Right now he’s in PBS heaven with Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, where they are trying to form an Avengers team, but Fred Rogers refuses to hulk the f**k out and Julia Child isn’t all that sexy as Black Widow. They’re working on it. They may have to come down to Earth and recruit Bob Villa to make some crazy armor suit out of old run-down homes.

Thanks for the tip Sarah. As soon as they form a team, you’ll be working the phones at the pledge drive right? I want a cheap tote with a logo on it.

Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

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bacon scarThis Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.

Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.

Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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Pizza Dragon: A Song Of Cheese And Fire

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pizza dragonWhen you order this awesome Pizza Dragon, he flies to your house in a half hour or less, or he’s free. Free to set your face on fire, while he drips flaming grease and pepperoni from his wings like the vengeful winged stuffed-scale crust pizza demon that he is.

That gives me an awesome idea for a pizza chain. I’m gonna raise baby pizza dragons. I’ll raise some pepperoni, some with other toppings. They don’t even need to go into the oven since they practically cook themselves. Best of all I won’t need drivers. Just pay for your Dragon-Pizza and it gets set free so it can fly to your house. I would get rave reviews too:

“By the time I caught the thing I had third degree burns and melted cheese all over my house and now I’m undergoing throat surgery since it’s saucy blood was like lava.”

“It was OK, but my wife and Khaleesi is the Mother of Dragons. She was pretty pissed when she found out what we were eating.”

“The sausage was all carbon and ash by the time it got here. Then it ate my cat, which sucked, however, it immediately grew new bits of sausage all over it’s cheesy skin between the wings… with bits of fur in it. At least I didn’t have to bury my animal. Thanks Pizza Dragon!”
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X-Ray Playing Cards

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x-ray playing cardsX-Ray vision. All of the cool superheroes are doing it. Sadly, we mere humans don’t possess the ability. Believe me, I’ve tried. The X-Ray specs in the back of the old comic books don’t work. They just get you punched in the face by angry females.

If you want to feel like you have crazy awesome powers while playing a game of poker, try these awesome X-Ray Playing Cards. You can see through them, but your opponents can’t see what cards you have. They must be made with some kind of X-Ray voodoo magic.
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Combat Garden Gnomes

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combat garden gnomesThese Combat garden gnomes will mess up your day. They are armed, deadly, and full of attitude. Etsy seller thorssoli has several styles to choose from. You can buy a bunch and assemble your gnome army. Each one of these little killing machines will cost you between $76-$96.

There’s a heavy machine gunner, a minesweeper, a mortar launching gnome and many more. Let some jerk even try to trample your garden. They are in for a world of hurt.

Check out a few more below.
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