Tag: bizarre

Take A Perfect Butt Selfie With The BelfieStick

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butt selfie
Okay, so you have a mighty fine looking set of butt-cheeks. You could bounce a quarter off those cheeks and get a dime back. So you just gotta get a pic of that sweet cheek-meat and share it on social media. That’s where the Belfie stick comes in handy. It’s a stick that holds your smartphone, so you can get a picture of your badonkadonk and break the Internets. Belfie=Butt Selfie. Enough of this self-ass-ness.

I’m looking forward to the upgrade that adds like 3 feet to the stick, so you can take pictures of those extra wide Walmart shopper type butts. Actually, no. Not looking forward to that. At all. It’s gonna make Facebook walls look like the meat section of your local grocery store. If your grocery store packaged meat in short shorts and tank tops, and it just overflowed out of every side.

Extraterrestrial Jewelry: Crop Circle Pendant

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crop circle jewelry
Not content with ruining our fields with their crop circle shenanigans, despite several farmers yelling for them to get off their land, the extraterrestrials have now taken to making crop circle jewelry. Apparently by focusing a bunch of new age energy and channeling it through this Etsy seller.

The Crop Circle Pendant Has Arrived on your Planet Today through Skydin Zeal’s Constant Communication with the Enlightened Portion of the Universe’s Celestial Guides!

Oh cool. Thank’s for the delivery and the colorful new age pamphlet that smells like incense.
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Bride of Frankensquirrel: It’s Alive! It’s- No, Nevermind

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bride of frankenstein taxidermy squirrel
This is the problem with collecting Squirrel parts, sewing them together and reanimating their corpse. They always want a bride. Hey guys, we gotta have somewhere to store our nuts? Am I right? *High Five! Waits. Nothing. Shrugs* I’m just saying we all want a mate, even Franken-Squirrels.

This one’s a keeper. Looks like she just got back from the electricity outlet salon and she’s doing that zombie walk that monsters do. And she obviously won’t kill your credit card buying a wardrobe. Her clothes are half off already. I mean, in both price(Look at that ratty thing) and literally falling off.
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Spend A Night Getting Drunk With This Guy

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hang out with drunk guy
For $500 you can spend a night on the town, getting drunk with this Darwin award winner. If you are in the Los Angeles area. He has a list of the fun stuff you will do together:

-Human Airplanes
-Human Pyramids
-Drink Beer next to Cars
-Get 86’d from a bar
-Beer Bongs
-Become Friends
-Keg Stands

Check out the last picture below and you’ll see that the “human pyramid” is actually some sort of demonic ritual, where they form some kind of Voltron beast to corner their prey. I have no idea what kind of dark magic is going on there, but the demon in back appears to be holding a dirty diaper in a bag.

So yeah, if hanging out with drunk and demonic forces is your idea of a fun time, go for it, but you and I both know that after he’s done using you in his dark rituals, he’s going to send you home with a free mullet and a peen drawn on your face in permanent marker too.
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Weird Animal Masks

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creepy animal masks
This fall. The Barnyard Boys are back! This is gonna be the heist of a lifetime. Starring Pauly the Pigeon as Peckerhead Paulsy, Charlie Chickensnitch as Cluck Norris and the Horsehead of the Apocalypse as himself. Rated R for sex and violence and drugs and animal on animal crime in the seedy underbelly of Barnyard City.

That’s the movie I would make with these sweet weird animal masks. Either that or you know, just make an ass out of myself in public, but I’ve never needed a mask for that.