For $555.55 you can decorate your home with a Lifesized Unicorn Head. Good call putting it by the door. *Guy comes home wearing swiss cheese clothing.* Honey, I’m home! *Wife rushes to the door with a kiss. Impales hat on unicorn horn and removes his coat. Stabs his coat down too.* Honey, I don’t mind that you collect weird stuff, but I think it’s time for a new coat rack. And for God’s sake, STOP taking selfies with it!
Read more “Lifesize Unicorn Head”
Tag: bizarre
Canned Dragon Meat
You preppers can stock up on your canned corn and beans and whatnot, but while you are eating your meager vittles by the fire and contemplating why the world went to hell, I will be dining like a king. A king who hath slain a dragon! Canned dragon meat. I’m pretty sure it’s free range, so it’s all good. No dragons were mistreated in captivity. Well, up until the end anyway.
This reminds me of that movie, How To Drain Your Dragon. That was pretty sweet, even if it wasn’t the informative documentary I was expecting. Anyway nothing’s as sweet as dragon meat, cause when they’re in a can, they ain’t burning your seat.
It’s delicious, but shhhh. Don’t tell Daenerys Targaryen.
Read more “Canned Dragon Meat”
Homemade Star Wars AT-ST With Sheep’s Skull
The Empire Strikes FEAR with this crazy nasty Star Wars AT-AT, which is actually an AT-ST unless I need my geek credentials taken away. In this case it stands for All Terror-Skull Transport. If the Empire could harness zombie technology, this is the kind of equipment they would be using.
I have to ask. What makes someone put a sheep’s skull on a friggin’ Star Wars toy? Probably the same thing that made me drown all my figures in glue and pretend it was carbonite. The Force. We can blame it for everything!
This is the result of one of my art projects in college some years ago, genuine sheeps skull on star wars walker legs! Awesome!
I’m guessing there were a lot of hallucinogens at that college. Just kidding. But still, you’re weird. I’m locking up all of my toys when you come over to play.
Thanks Jeremy.
Read more “Homemade Star Wars AT-ST With Sheep’s Skull”
Stuff Your Crust With This Pizza Bra
This Pizza Bra looks awesome. I know that some women like to stuff their bra, and that’s all good with this pepperoni infused over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Stuffed crust is the best in my book. I also love how it’s rocking the “one slice up, one slice down” thing, because that’s exactly how I put pizza on my plate.
Note to the seller. This should really be shipped in a pizza box. With free breadsticks.
Read more “Stuff Your Crust With This Pizza Bra”
The Snack Rat Keeps Guests From Your Food
Man I hate it when guests drop by unannounced! Sike! Like that even happens to me. I once went a whole month without even talking to another human. It’s called Minecraft and I can quit at any time! Anyway, if you get some unexpected company and you are not prepared to feed them, you need the Snack Rat. You just set out the Snack Rat tin and no one will even care about your meager food offerings. No one wants to eat with the Snack Rat’s beady eyes on them!
Fun fact: I usually perform the role of the Snack Rat during Thanksgiving dinner with my wife and her family. Beady eyes. Check. Makes humans feel uncomfortable. Check. Total silence. Check. I just keep it up until they all leave in disgust for Chinese, then eat everything myself. The next day I mention that my thyroid problem is acting up again, which explains the weight gain.
Snack Rat strikes again!