Tag: bizarre

Monster Mirror Guarantees That You Will Cut Yourself While Shaving

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monster mirrorMirror mirror on the wall, who is the fugliest of all? You are. That’s who. This mirror demands blood, since it will make you so nervous that you constantly cut yourself while shaving, making a blood sacrifice down the drain every damn day. The only way to beat it is to grow a beard!

Ha! Beaten at your own evil game! How does that feel? Well, yeah, I was so nervous when I trimmed my beard last time that I also trimmed all of the fuzz off my new winter sweater and gave myself a mohawk, but still. I win.

Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed: Your Wiener Dog Needs More Mustard

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hot dog bun bedWhen you have a hot dog, you need a cool bun. No, that’s not right. If you have a cool dog, you need a hot dog…bun. No, wait. I can do this. I have been trained in the blogging arts.

*Reaches zen place* If you have a Wiener dog, you need a hot dog bun bed!

Ha! I knew I could do it, despite the fact that I have only had 3 fingers of whiskey today and one middle finger of vengeance when I sideswiped that little fat guy in a cart in the Walmart parking lot. Real cars have the right of way pal! Anyway, I never got a good look at the guy’s face since my rear view mirror smacked into it.

But I digress. You came here to see fun and weird caca that you can buy. Well, behold the Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed. All of the condiments are on it already. You just need to supply the Wiener dog. In fact, if you click through, you can see an actual Wiener dog in the bun. Aren’t you lucky? Yes you are! Who’s the lucky little Creepbay reader? You so cute!
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Monster Journals: “Fear Diary…”

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

monster journalThese monster journals from Etsy seller ANARCHISTSPLAYGROUND are all sharp teeth and lined pages. I think the idea is to open them up, start writing and see how long it takes for those sharp teeth to close like a crocodile and leave you with a bloody stump. You just had to journal about your day didn’t you?

Fear Diary… Today I went for a nice walk and- OH DEAR GOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! JUST GIVE ME MY HAND BACK AND I SWEAR TO ZUCKERBERG THAT NEXT TIME I WILL JUST UPDATE MY STATUS FOR THE WORLD TO SEE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! NO MORE JOURNALING I SWEAR! I LEARNED MY LESSON!

Click through for a fork-tongued demon with glow in the dark eyes and drool.
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The Anorexic Dead: Zombie Barbies

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zombie barbies
Hey, it’s Barbie. The doll that spawned a thousand eating disorders. Now she’s a zombie and wants brains. Well, she has always needed a brain, she just wasn’t smart enough to know it. Now she will rip it from your dead and bleeding skull just like she did with Ken’s nut sack.

You can choose from Lindsay Nohand, Britney Speared, Messica Simpson, ZooEYE Deschanel and more. Funny thing is, Barbie is eating better as a Zombie than she ever did as an ordinary waif/trollop. If she keeps eating those brains she might actually put some meat on her bones. It would be rotting corpse meat, but still.
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Butt Ugly Light Up Christmas Sweater

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butt ugly christmas sweaterEverybody is wearing their ugly Christmas sweaters, but I’m gonna do them one better and get this Butt Ugly Christmas sweater. It has some really nice detail with all of that squiggly butt-hair and those butt-zits.

This will be a hit at the family Christmas party. It will really “crack” them up. I don’t mind. I’m always the butt of their jokes.