Tag: bizarre

What The Cluck?: Mask Made Of Chicken Skin

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chicken skin maskDamn, that’s nasty. Do you want chicken face? Well, you can have chicken face. With this freaky chicken skin mask, you can freak everyone the hell out! Especially chickens. I’m way behind on my TV viewing. Is this from the latest American Horror Story? Cause that one involves a chicken masked serial killer this year right? I’ll check on that.

Anyway, this nightmare inducing mask is made of actual chicken skin and will fit “a small framed woman’s face”. Sorry large guys, you’ll have to find your serial killer creeper mask elsewhere. Damn, that’s nasty. Plus, you wasted the tastiest part of fried chicken.
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Oh Deer: Whitetail Deer Thermometer

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deer tail thermometerHow do you know when it’s cold outside? Apparently, when you check the temperature on a thermometer that’s sticking out of a deer’s rectum. Makes sense to me. I mean, why check the temp on my iPhone when I can look at a deer’s ass?

Alright, it’s not really mounted in the rectum. You are just getting a deer tail mounted upright so that it looks like a deer is getting it’s temperature taken. It’s either that or an un-decorated redneck Christmas tree.

It Takes A Braveheart To Play With This Mel Gibson Doll

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mel gibson dollSomething tells me that this Mel Gibson doll is not officially endorsed by the star. Whoever made this guy is a true Lethal Weapon of a crafter. To paraphrase Mel from the epic movie Braveheart, “They can take our likeness, but they can never take our freedom!”

Weird New Age Taxidermy Squirrel Rug With Glowing Crystal Crown

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new age squirrelThis strange New Age Squirrel taxidermy rug is all you need to meditate, alleviate and resonate with otherworldly forces. Channel an ancient Atalantean priestess. Maybe even see into a past life. Ask the magic squirrel carcass a question and if it’s glowing crystal crown lights up, it means that the light entities roaming the astral plain have an answer for you.

The quartz crystal points embedded in this dead squirrel’s head are her “crown”, lit with LEDs from within. More images below.

I was new agey like you once, until I channeled Elvis. I knew I was successful when I squeezed cheeks and released a 40 second fart. Obviously it was the old fat Elvis. Smelled like a dump truck hauling rotten peanut butter and banana sandwiches. That’s enough to get anyone to put their magic crystals and pyramid hats away forever.
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Demonic Tampon Machine Demands Blood

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tampon machineI can’t imagine anything scarier than a woman in need of a tampon who enters a public restroom only to encounter this terrifying tampon dispensing machine. This thing actually works. You can buy it for $75, fill it with tampons and hang it in a restroom somewhere, getting rich 25 cents at a time.

Until some angry and cramping PMS sufferer smashes it with a baseball bat anyway. Oh well. Was a good plan anyway.

*Angry woman busts through the door* WHO PUT THAT OFFENSIVE POS ON THE BATHROOM WALL?

*Me pointing to some random dude* It was him. He also said you look bloated. I said you have a soft glow about you. I’ll just get out of the way as you unleash your inner once-a-month-fury on him, while pretending you see your husband’s face.