Tag: brain

Brain In A Jar Soap

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Brain In A Jar Soap
Hmmmm. Now where did I put that brain? I might know if I hadn’t misplaced it. But I did so… Me dumb now. Oh there’s my Brain In A Jar Soap. There’s nothing like lathering up with gray matter. What these soaps lack in firing synapses, they make up for in firing suds-napses. I like cleaning with brains, makes me feel smart. Like I am absorbing the knowledge from the brain and adding it to my own database. And believe me, I need all the brainpower I can get.

I’m like a showering zombie. *Approaches the shower muttering, “Brains… Brains* OW! Bumped into the tub and fell in. See, this is why I need brains.
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Human Anatomy Tumblers

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Human Anatomy Tumblers
I’ll tumble for ya. I’ll tumble for ya. I’ll tumble for you! Get out of my head Boy George! Anyway, these Human Anatomy Tumblers will teach you all about the grossness that is the human body as you sip your morning coffee, which is laced with bourbon to get you through the day. What? That’s just me? Okay, cool. One is all about the body and the other is all about the brain. Both are about being filled with liquid. Much like my bladder. So if you will excuse me I have to-

There’s no excuse for you.

Hey, shut up stupid neighbor kid yelling through my window. I’m blogging here.

So shut your blog-hole and stop blogging out loud! *Shows kid these anatomy cups. Kid runs away crying.* Mom, the creepy guy grossed me out again!
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Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator

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Drinks With Death
This Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator doesn’t scare me. I’ll drink death under the table. ANOTHER! *Slams shot glass down on the table. Wipes my lips with my arm. Stares intently at death. Then passes out and hits the table after the first drink.*

This fun Halloween Fascinator (That’s a fancy word for putting absurd things on your head.) has a drunken skeleton clutching a cherry-topped cocktail and a light-up brain. Which describes the end of my work day pretty well actually. He’s even laying in the same position, except I’m clutching my computer, not a brain. There are also two eyeballs.
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Mad Science Brain Cap

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Mad Science Brain Cap
Put your thinking cap on. For real. This Mad Science Brain Cap makes it look like Dr. Frankenstein has been hard at work floggin’ your noggin. Technically it’s called the “The prefrontal cortex interference cap”, or PCIC, but that’s too many fancy words in a row for me. I just call it a “head case”, but that’s just me lashing out because that’s what I get called.

Words hurt people. If one more person looks at my fat man gut and asks me if I’m pregnant, Imma pee on ’em and tell ’em my water broke!
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Brain Coffee Mug

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brain mug
My brain isn’t awake until it has had at least one cup of coffee. This Brain Coffee Mug is exactly what I need to stare at while my own brain is getting kickstarted. I won’t have any idea what the hell any of this fancy medical stuff means, so I’ll just feel dumb.

This mug will remind me that I am just a sack of meat with a lump of cauliflower between my ears telling me not to eat so much junk food. Screw you brain, what do you know? *Everything* Well, yeah. Technically you know everything, but can you can’t do squat without my motor control. So there.

*Half hour later*

Stupid brain. I can’t believe I let you take control of my body and made me make a healthy salad. Now it’s on! Now do you see why I pig out? Just for that I am going on an all night pastry binge! And stop making me talk all awkward to the girls I meet, or I swear I’ll fill ya so full of Jack Daniels you’ll think you are in a specimen jar. Stupid brain. Drinking is the only time I get any peace.