The folks over at zedszombieranch sell these cool Skeleton Candle Holders, which make skeletons your slaves, effectively making you the king of skeletons. You might say you’ll have a skeleton crew. I made a funny. I made a funny. I laughed so hard, I also made a not so funny in my pants, but that’s TMI. Also TMT. Too Many Tacos. Clean up in aisle me!
Get yourself a skeleton army and some candles to go with them.
This Saint Beetlejuice Candle should only be used with prayers that begin with saying his name three times. I can get away with it, because I’m typing the name, not saying it. Just another sweet-ass perk of being a blogger. Don’t you try it.
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
See. Totally safe. I knew that dingus Michael Keaton wasn’t going to appear. ARGHHHH! Internet is crapping out! My computer is soooooo slow. I’m-
Update: Gonna finish using the library computer, cuz my screen is all black and white stripes with Beetlejizz in the foreground juggling Winona Ryder and Tim Burton’s heads.
Once again, the perks of being a blogger turn out to be an exaggeration. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Stick with your selfies and texting while colliding with poles and leave blogging to the pros.
I’m off to the deli to get a slice of rye and some moldy bologna. An old Chinese guy told me it was the only way to banish him.
These beeswax candles from Etsy seller Darknessvoid are Dogs in Victorian dress. Do you smell the wax that they’re burning? Lifting their leg on? It’s a dog eat dog world. You might as well have some high class dog candles to like your way.
These are for the sophisticated dog lover. Not for the likes of you and me who let our pooches run around the dog park humping anything and everything. More for those types who carry dogs in handbags and tell the butler to clean up fifi’s poo with the gold plated family pooper scooper.
Read more “Victorian Dog Candles”
Whether trying to get through a power outage or just setting up a candlelit dinner for two, live by the light of Cthulhu with this Cthulhu Candle. If he scares you, don’t worry. You get to watch his tentacled evil mass burn.
This hefty Cthulhu candle weighs about 1 pound and stands about 4 1/2 inches tall. He also has an’afterlife’ scent. Wait. Does that mean only he can smell it when he’s all burned down and dead? I have no idea. I thought he would smell more like burnt octopus.
If you live in a house of horrors, where the walls bleed, the sink bleeds and otherworldly voices tell you to get out, this Bloody Horror Candle won’t even be noticed. But if you have a nice calm house that wasn’t sold to you by a demonic Realtor, this candle should scare your guests all by itself.
As it melts, it drips blood and just looks like a nightmare in general. On the other hand it does smell like crisp apples, with a touch of orange and spice. Smells bloody delicious.