Tag: craft fail

Alien Purse With Green Bike Handle

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Alien Purse With Green Bike Handle
Check it. An intergalactic Alien Purse With Green Bike Handle. I finally got you you son of a b*tch! I was 10 years old when someone stole my right hand bike handle, forcing my ride to slightly sway left as I peddled, due to a slight deviation in weight and balance. I swore vengeance as my hair blew in the breeze and I felt the cold metal under my right hand. Kids pointed and laughed!

At last I shall have my vengeance! …By buying this craft fail in order to get my glittery bike handle back. Damn it! I have won!

But you don’t even have that bike anymore!

Shut up mom. Vengeance is mine!
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Cross Made Of Human Hair

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Cross Made Of Human Hair
Why would you sell a perfectly good cross made out of human hair? Do you not want to worship the Sasquatch anymore? Have you lost faith that he is out there? Whatevs. I’ll buy it. Maybe even start a church for the hairy one. Have people worship at the altar under this thing.

Until he busts up my place one day cuz I’m a no good money changer, charging people too much and selling T-shirts and fake hair samples.
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Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head

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Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head
Not sure what to make of this Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head. He’s making a face like he has a monkey-brain, which explains why he is tearing a Barbie doll limb from limb. Anybody can do that. Barbies have so little body fat that they come apart like string cheese. So I’m not impressed.

Anyway, put some damn clothes on baby. Can you be attached to a lamp that makes me un-see things?

Hand Crafted Weirdness: Hellraiser Box

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hellraiser box
What the? A Hellraiser box. Damn, you raised hell on yourself son! Hellraiser fail! You supposed to raise hell on other people. Now look at you, with your weird jewelry, feeding tube and pins stuck into your face. Congratulations on splitting your head open too. Even your butt is full of pins and stickin’ out the side!

You got problems homie!
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Homemade Star Wars AT-ST With Sheep’s Skull

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star wars at at skull
The Empire Strikes FEAR with this crazy nasty Star Wars AT-AT, which is actually an AT-ST unless I need my geek credentials taken away. In this case it stands for All Terror-Skull Transport. If the Empire could harness zombie technology, this is the kind of equipment they would be using.

I have to ask. What makes someone put a sheep’s skull on a friggin’ Star Wars toy? Probably the same thing that made me drown all my figures in glue and pretend it was carbonite. The Force. We can blame it for everything!

This is the result of one of my art projects in college some years ago, genuine sheeps skull on star wars walker legs! Awesome!

I’m guessing there were a lot of hallucinogens at that college. Just kidding. But still, you’re weird. I’m locking up all of my toys when you come over to play.

Thanks Jeremy.
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