And Now, A Chicken With A Lion Head, Crowned With A Tiara

chicken princessThe Ebay seller who unleashed this strange demon calls it a “Woodland Princess Creature.” I just see a half plucked chicken with a tiara and an old man lion face. Dude essentially just took a butterball and put some jewelry on it. It’s only $23. This thing might come in handy as bait to catch other chickens. Chickens with very bad eyesight. Damn that thing is pluckin’ ugly!
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Jar Jar Binks Is The Ultimate Warrior, With Sword and Cyber Shield

jar jar binks warriorJar Jar Binks is the bane of the Star Wars prequels, but now he is back and ready for action! He came to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And he is all out of bubble gum!

This Gungan doesn’t need a gun-gun. He has his sword and shield and even a power crystal! Get ready for the ultimate sequel/prequel/squee-quel: JAR WARS! Directed by a 5 year old with a hot-glue gun and a dream.

It’s enough to make Jabba The Hutt puke!
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Disney Princess Massacre Mini Top-Hat

disney princess hatShow everyone how you really feel about Disney Princesses. If you want to see them massacred and smashed, this is the hat for you. It makes a fashion statement and tells everyone how you feel. I know I’m sick of all these animated and emaciated Princesses singing silly songs at me.

Four Disney Princess’ lay dead:
Cinderella sits upright, impaled with her glass slipper.
Snow Whites’ jaw, ripped right off.
Aurora has been zombified. Her eye ball hangs out while she holds the heart of her Prince.
Ariel, caught by fishermen, the flesh of her tail torn off and eaten, leaving nothing but bone.

This hat makes me happy. (Mostly because I met a chick named Jasmine. She didn’t rub my lamp.) More images below.
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Donut Holes With Faces Salt and Pepper Shakers

donut hole peepsThese ugly and creeptastic salt and pepper shakers look scared as s**t. They should be, since they look like powdered sugar and cinnamon donut hole people. Otherwise known as munchkins in Dunkin Donut land. I’ll down a whole box of these, faces or not.

When they see me coming through the doors of donut heaven and walking up to the counter, they know what I want. They just hand me my box o’ munchkins. The box doesn’t even have a handle, because they know I’ll down ’em before she can even ask if I want a coffee, which I don’t. DD coffee gives you mud butt. Everyone knows that.

The point is, I’m really hungry now and your sweet sugary faces ain’t gonna stop me. But yeah, as salt and pepper shakers, these are real f***ing ugly.
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Original Flappy Bird Drawing For $1,000

Flappy Bird drawingScore. You may not be able to clear the first pipe, but now you can display some fine Flappy Bird art in your home. You know, Flappy Bird. That game that was hot for like a week, that no one could beat and then 2 days later, we all moved on to something else? Yeah that game.

This original Flappy Bird Drawing was hand drawn. This isn’t some reprint or copy. It was hand drawn in pencil. The funds will go toward this dude’s college education. Because right now he spells it “collage” in the eBay article. No lie. Go ahead. Help the kid out so that he won’t have to draw Flappy Birds for money.