Tag: etsy

Real Insect Jewelry: Beetle Necklaces

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Real Insect Jewelry Beetle Necklaces
Check out these Beetle Necklaces. These beetles are pretty colorful. Apparently they are also called Weevils, because God forbid you have one easy word for an insect. Stupid scientists and bug nerds!

Evel Knievel was an evil weevil who liked to paint on an easel, and everyone thought he was a weasel. Yay! I made words rhyme. I’m just awesome like that. Did I do good? Can I have a treat daddy? Since I am my own daddy, I say yes. I may have a bag of Cheetos. Awesome. I love you daddy. I know.

Much like the Beatles when wearing Sgt. Pepper uniforms, these beetles are all bright and colorful. And just like two of the four Beatles, these beetles are stuck in their own little coffins for eternity. If I was a Beatle, it would be Paul. Because the Walrus was Paul. Later peeps. There’s a bag of Cheetos with my name on them. Probably because I take a sharpie to the supermarket and autograph everything.
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Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder

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Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder
This Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder is awesome. Looks like an old grey castle where a witch lives. I bet my wife is moving in there. It looks pretty cool all lit up. Like it would talk to you in a booming voice that only you can hear.

WHO DARES AWAKE THE MIGHTY SKULL OF DOOM?

Uh…Me? I guess me, yeah.

OH! WELL COME BACK IN AN HOUR, I”M BEAT!

Stoned more like. Get it? Cuz you’re made of pumice?

YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME MORTAL! RETURN UPON ONE HOUR AND I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH MY ANCIENT POWER!

*Waits for it to fall asleep again then smashes it to pieces with a hammer.*

This is why I can’t have friends. *Sigh*

*Sweeps the ancient evil up in a dustpan and dumps it into the trash.*

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses

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Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses
Whoa! Who’s that cat-eyed vixen walking down the street so sexy and sure of herself? It could be you! That’s who! Imagine yourself all cattin’ around and battin’ around with these Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses. Looking like the cat who ate the canary- Wait. Is that really yellow feathers on the side of your mouth? Dissss-gusting girl!

What exactly are you hiding behind those sunglasses? Oh I see. The bright red eyes of a bird-eating vampire. Well, I guess you have to get blood where you can find it. Come to think of it, you’re talking to a whole bag full of blood right now. *gulp* *Loosens collar nervously. Come to think of it- Tightens it again* Yeah, it was nice meeting you. Heh. I’ll just- I have stuff to do. For people who know where I am and are expecting me. Heh. Good luck on your feeding. *Zips away like a cartoon*
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Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu

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Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu
Worship at the altar of Saint Cthulhu with this Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu. It’s sacri-licious. Speaking of sainthood, what’s a guy gotta do to get sainted around here. This morning I helped an old lady across the street, later I even gave some down and out woman some money. I mean, sure, the old lady was running away from the nursing home(at a half mile per hour) and that nice lady I gave the money to was a prostitute, but still, I’m pretty sure I made both of their days.

I guess I’m gonna be a sinner and not a saint. The church never returns my letters anyway and that online petition for my sainthood only has 10 signatures and those are from my crazy cat lady neighbor and her nine cats. Not givin’ up though. I’m gonna keep rock n’ rollin’ if you keep on rock n’ rollin’. I know I can do this. We can do it together.

Satan’s Cheerleaders Dress

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Satan's Cheerleaders Dress
Hey look! Satan’s Cheerleaders Dress. Did you try out for the team? I know right! I was like, soooo in the finals, but my breasts just weren’t perky enough. Wanna go get a frappuchino and stare vacantly at nothing? K. Cool. What was I saying?

Ra-ra Shish-boom-ba! The devil’s gonna win so burn your bra.
Our teams hot cuz it’s from Hades,
You sold your soul for that brand new Mercedes.

I don’t know the rest. I’ll ask the coach. Also, that burn your bra line has nothing to do with with women’s rights. It just rhymed. I love what you’re doing up there. *Points at breasts* Whether they’re bound or unbound. You go girl.