Tag: figurines

Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads

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Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads
Etsy seller CuriousCryptidCurios makes all kinds of cool and freaky and trippy Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads. Or as I like to call Miss Mantis’ work…Chantilly lace and a Mantis Face. These don’t look like my grandma’s figurines. Well, there was that one day. Visiting grandma’s house on LSD is NOT recommended. I spent half the walk there trying to get rid of a big bad wolf who had the swirling cosmos behind it’s hooded cowl.

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go…Insane! Once I got there the Praying Mantis figures greeted me, we had dinner, talked with the elf elders from behind the cupboard and finally worshiped at the altar of my grandmother’s dentures on the sink. Good times. David Lynch was there, as were various melty things like reality itself. You gotta do what ya gotta do to deal with grandma’s stories.
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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness

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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness
Here’s something to get egg-cited about. Etsy seller AllysonNagelOriginal makes all kinds of weird, but cool, Humpty Dumpty porcelain figures and scenes. I hear they were still making these figures right up until Yolk-o broke up the band and left things scrambled.

These figures are fun. They make me want to do the Humpty Dance with all of you. *Some woman in Iowa gasps in horror, then calls the police to try to stop this mass orgy before it happens.* Chill lady. I mean it in a non-pervy way. For once. Check out the bonus video below.

Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump.
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Awesome Fantasy Figurines For Your Mom’s Basement

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fantasy figurines
Try not to have a nerdgasm when looking at Etsy seller DemiurgusDreams assortment of cool fantasy figurines. You’ll definitely need to make some space in your mother’s basement if you’re going to collect them all. Hey, I ain’t judging. I may not live with my mom, but she lives with me. I choose to take the basement cuz I’m cool like that. Just like I choose to spend my weekends free from any members of the opposite sex. I’m better than you is what I’m saying. No, not really. I’m a sad sad man and I need to buy some kick-ass fantasy creatures to make it all better.

I’m gonna buy ’em all and make them fight on my shelf. Take that life! These miniature beasts are a soothing salve for my awkward nerdiness and permanent butt-acne.
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Awesome Garden Gnomes Look Like Your Favorite Geek Characters

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creepy garden gnomes
Etsy seller ianthegnome makes all kinds of crazy garden gnomes that look like superheroes, wrestlers, video game characters. You name it. Okay, I will. I name it awesome. Check out a bunch below and then go crazy ordering them for your yard. I call dibs on Superman and Batman cuz I’m creating my own gnome Justice League.

You can have Dexter and his cellophane wrapped victim. Gizmo too. No way I’m putting a Mogwai in my garden. You know he’s gonna get wet and multiply into a s**t ton of evil Gremlins that are going to break everything, eat everything and cause nothing but trouble. In other words, another me. One of me is plenty. I refuse to share my junk food and there’s not much left in my house that I haven’t broken already.
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Crazy Scary Horror Dioramas

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horror dioramas
It’s time to talk about terror on a tiny scale. *You mean your peen?* Very funny, but no. Why can’t you be like all of the ladies and just leave him alone? No, I’m talking about small scale dioramas with weird-ass stuff going on in them.

Etsy seller OminousPossessions creates all kinds of dark and disturbing mini dioramas. Stuff like Freakshows, Freddy Kreuger vs Jason Voorhees, killer clowns with blood everywhere. Dude’s got a deranged mind, but at least he’s working through it by painting miniatures.

I work through my issues with small art all the time myself. Small Art is my “little person” therapist. I spend half of my sessions just trying to work through my fear of little people. The other half trying to get the guy to stop crying like a baby. He’s a little sensitive. What? You are a little person AND a therapist. You never thought this would come up? I got issues!
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