Tag: fun

Zip Up, Zip Down: The Zipper Necklace

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zipper necklace
Be super stylish and fashion forward with this Zipper Necklace, whether you are zipped up or zipped down. Little known fact: I have a zipper phobia, better known by it’s Latin name Penicus-Caughticus-Zipperus. Every time I look at a zipper I scream as if in pain and go down on my knees while clutching my man-junk. Not a pretty sight.

No way I could date a woman with this accessory. Every time I looked at her chest(Which I would do often because I’m a guy) I would be doubled over, holding my pee-pee. I guess it wasn’t meant to be my love. You should have chosen a button-fly necklace. Ado ado. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Owie! It hurts again!

Face Coasters: Protect Your Furniture, Change Your Face

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face coasters
These Gentlemen’s Club Face Coasters attach to your nose and let you change your face. It beats plastic surgery! These are perfect for when you need an instant disguise.

These coasters are double sided so this set of 20 will let you choose between 40 different images. No one is going to recognize the lower half of your face. You can be an old man, choose from several mustaches, meth teeth and more. Pretty sweet!
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Fifty Shades of Bacon

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fifty shades of bacon
Now this is the kind of erotic book I can get behind. Nah. Not really. That’d be gross and page after page of people rubbing bacon all over themselves. That’s a waste of bacon. No, this Fifty Shades of Bacon book is a cookbook that delivers the “full bacon experience”.

This is 62 pages with 50 recipes. If I could give awards to books, this one would win my “Golden Coronary” of excellence award. But even if a book won an award, how does a book give an acceptance speech? Simply by reading itself and thereby proclaiming it’s excellence. Bacon. Enough said.

Pro tip: Never judge a book by it’s cover. At first I thought this was a bacon identification guide illustrating fifty shades of bacon color and telling you which are good to eat and which would kill ya from being in the fridge too long. Or not in the fridge at all.

Rest Your Legal Tender On This Money Beanbag Chair

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money beanbag
It’s all about the Benjamins. Those soft and comfortable beanbag Benjamins. Your love of money knows no bounds, so cuddle up with a hundred dolla bill. Put your booty in Benjamin Franklin’s face and shake your money maker. Sink down deep into that green and sniff that chedda. Lay all over that sweet stash o cash. Jump on your Money beanbag chair in triumph. Cuz this is the life.

Hundred dolla bill yall!
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