Tag: fun

Sign Language Wall Clock

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

sign language clock
This Sign Language Wall Clock is perfect for those of us who can’t hear and can’t read numbers at the same time. Like my senile grandpa who continues to “garden” in the sink. Poor guy. He thinks his poopy diaper is actually fertilizer he bought from the garden store and that anything from my fridge is a flower. In his defense that diaper weighs about the same by the time he drops his cargo and tears it off. Damn it gramps! Stop dipping Hot Pockets and pudding pops in poo! I’ll take that bag of corn too. Looks like that’s the one crop you grow just fine!

Even he could understand this clock. I think it should show the middle finger at 6 though, because that’s when I go to work. This guy’s costing me a fortune in food and sanitizer.

Awesome Snake Scarf Is One Warm Snake-Cessory

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snake scarf
Sweeet! This snake scarf is exactly what I need to battle the cold and look fashionably creepy this winter. I’ll wear it outside and then shed my scarf like snakeskin when inside again. You can call me Snake Plissken, or Rocky Bal-Boa constrictor. Even Cobra Commander. But don’t call me snake-neck the nerd. Them’s fighting words.

No way I’m wearing it on a plane though. I’ll ask for like one drink too many and the stewardess will be all like, “I have had it with these motherf***in’ snakes on this motherf***in’ plane!” Damn! Chill! Why don’t you sit down beside me and tell me all about it Sam Jackson. And while we’re at it, why the hell are you my stewardess today?
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Goodnight Brew: A Parody for Beer People

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goodnight brew book
This Goodnight Brew: A Parody for Beer People book is based on Goodnight Moon, a kid’s book for making kids shut up and go to sleep. So, this version is like a goodnight story for adults.

It’s about beer! Drink up and get just soused enough so that someone has to read you this bedtime story. Then enjoy this story through your inebriated alcoholic eyes and watch the magic unfold in your brain-keg as you go beddy-byes and pukey-time.
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Batman And Superman On The Toilet Art Prints

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batman superman on the toilet
Hey, Superheroes poop too. Superman’s poop just has the ability to break your toilet into a million shards if he loses bowel control. They don’t call him The Man Of Stool for nothin’! Batman’s poop? Smells dark and brooding. Recedes into dark corners.

These fine art prints will show you that DC Comics’ finest are just like you and me. They have poop inside of them and it needs to get out. Sometimes you have to have a good read while you are waiting. Do you want one of these prints? Of course, you do. Does Poison Ivy poop in the garden?

You can get both of them for $32. from Etsy.

Bookends That Attack

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bookends
You can’t have books without having some bookends to keep them all organized. Unless you are me and you use canned vegetables, because you’re cheap. What else am I gonna do, eat ’em? Anyway, if I eat that can of corn, my entire Game of Thrones book series is going to fall. Not that I read it. TV made it so I don’t have to read it. Anyway, did you know those books are like 500 pages? And they don’t even have a single picture of a dragon inside?

Anyway these awesome bookends from KnobCreekMetalArts all feature various attacks, with your books caught in the middle. Everything from tentacles attacking pirate ships, to dinosaurs trying to eat people, to aliens abducting people. Who needs to read the books when the bookends are so exciting?

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