Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses

poison glasses
These Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses are pretty cool, but they forgot marriage. And taxes. I kid, I kid. I married my wife for tax purposes so it’s all good. She got me this set for Christmas last year and I’ve been drinking out of the arsenic one ever since. Also not feeling very well and constantly pooping myself as she laughs.

You can’t even poison me right you cow!

Shut up you fat old idiot! I’m pouring you a double right f***ing now!

Oh, I’m drinking! I’ll take two!

*dodges flying glass*

I’ll see you in hell old man! I’ll be the bartender!

Igor Marty Feldman Head From Young Frankenstein: It’s Abby-Normal

Igor

Today is your lucky day if you want to own a replica of Marty Feldman’s face as Igor from Young Frankenstein. Do you want to own it? Yes master I do. Then go and buy it from Etsy seller STUDIOLABORATORIO51. Quickly Igor before it sells out! Yes master!

Check out the bonus video of thing below, complete with it’s own soundtrack.
Read more “Igor Marty Feldman Head From Young Frankenstein: It’s Abby-Normal”

Awaglass Soap Bubble Hourglass

soap bubble hourglass
Normally grains of sand fall in an hourglass and it usually takes about an hour. See ma, I am too smart. The Awaglass however, is some kind of strange wizard magic. It has hypnotic soapy bubbles that rise up instead of down. I’m like a level 8 sorcerer in D and D and even I don’t know how to do this. But I’m gonna mention it to my DM. If I can hypnotize creatures with bubbles and then critical hit their nads with my staff, I’m all over that biz.

Of course the last time I asked my DM for special powers, he gave me a cursed necklace that turned me into a woman. Wasn’t so bad really, cause it came with a once a month “spell of raging blood” that made dungeoneering super easy. They just put me in front and every creature ran from my verbal onslaught. The downside was later that night when the party rested. “Wait. So I’m the only female here and you want me to do what? I don’t think that’s what ‘flurry of blows’ means guys. Isn’t that a melee attack? Are you sure you checked the book? Oh, what the hell, it’s just roleplay!”

What happens in D and D, stays in D and D.
Read more “Awaglass Soap Bubble Hourglass”

Space Invaders Future Fossils

Space Invaders Future FossilsCheck out these Space Invaders Fossils from Etsy seller ThrowingChicken. I do not condone the tossing of fowl, but you know what this means right? We won! We finally killed those 8-bit suckers! Pew pew pew! Get the UFO for extra points!

Basically they all got shot down and fell into a video game graveyard during the “war of a hundred-thousand quarters” back in the 80s. Then in 2164 someone used a virtual device to go inside of these vintage game machines and dig up all of these fossils and send them back in time so they could sell them on Etsy and make a butt-load of money. Good thinking!

They aren’t so tough without their brightly colored skin stretched over their skulls. I’m getting one cause these guys owe me like 500 quarters. If I can’t have my childhood money back, I can at least have a rock solid corpse.
Read more “Space Invaders Future Fossils”

Flying Burger People Eater Heels

Flying Burger People Eater HeelDear god! The food is attacking back! Attaching itself to clothing and accessories and taking control of women. Making women involuntarily kick guys in the nads as revenge for our fast food gluttony. Well, let’s face it, a woman doesn’t need much encouragement to kick us in the nads. We earn it. I earn it with interest.

Hey, nice burger heels! Can I touch your buns? *kick* *sees stars and little birdies flying around head* Can I get fries with that?*passes out*

These Flying Burger People Eaters look ferocious, but on the other hand they do come with fries in the soles. Yummy. Only $64.99. I hope they have arch support. As in Golden arches.
Read more “Flying Burger People Eater Heels”