Duct tape is the answer to so many questions. Now it is the answer to good business attire. Nothing says, “I’m a go-getter who can fix things on the fly” like a tie made out of duct tape.
It goes well with the duct tape mask. Get yourself a duct tape suit and you are the coolest man in the world.
Man it’s hot outside. I sure could go for a swim. Too bad I don’t have one of these Toilet Pool Floats. I would totally be the guy who leaves a long curly floater in this thing, then reaches around for the flush as I whirlpool all around and send it in your direction.
At the local pool I’m known as the one man Blue Man group. Get it? That means I also pee in the pool. Basically it’s not safe in the pool. Just stay away if you see me coming.
You have to protect your furniture from drinks. Otherwise your wife will slap you silly, grab you by the neck and shove your face in it. That’s what happens around here anyway. So use a coaster. A manly coaster that will show her who the boss is. Like meat!
So after that little “incident” I got some meat from the fridge and slapped it down onto the coffee table. Then slammed my drink into that delicious slab of beef. See? I’m using a coaster! I am the man of this house!
It was a good plan. Until she made me eat it, all raw and bloody. My nerdy muscles could not overcome her. This package of meat coasters might be a better alternative.
Read more “USDA Approved Meat Coasters”
I have a set of these myself. This plate is just like the ones that grandmother used to use. Except this thing will hypnotize you so you do the alien’s bidding. That probably explains why I promptly finish my meal and drop trou, awaiting the grand magnificence of their painal probe.
Hell of a way to end every dinner. Only this last time, I pulled my pants up and only to find divorce papers on the table. The wife has a no butt-cheeks on the table rule. Elbows too.
