Tag: geek

Ghostbusters Gourd Sculptures

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

ghostbusters gourd art
If you don’t like these Ghostbuster’s Gourd Sculptures from Etsy seller Wigoutgraphics, you must be out of your gourd! I’ve been slimed. (Funny Behind the scenes fact: I accidentally wrote, “I’ve been slimmed”, but nope, still have my gut and the doughy body of a nerd God)

The Slimer gourd shows Slimer on the front and in back you can see his brain and ghostly arteries and stuff. If he had such things. The Ungrateful Yuppie Larvae(Not actually me, despite my dad referring to me as such. That’s what the piece is called.) are doing their larvae thing like it’s a womb. Get a womb you two!

If there’s something strange in the neighborhood. Who ya gonna call. Gourd Busters!
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Make Your Own Man Interchangeable Cubes

Artemis Winterford6 Comments

make your own man cubes
You ladies can’t all score studs like me. It’s not that there’s not enough of me to go around. There’s plenty in my man-boob area alone thanks to my sedentary blogging lifestyle and my apparent life goal of fitting into a man-bra H cup. It’s just that you’ll need some firemen to break the wall down and a crane operator to lift me out of my home and into that IHOP where I’m taking you on that date and by the time I call the firemen, I’m already way out of breath. You see what I do for you in order to bring you the latest in weird stuff you can buy? *Getting teary eyed* I do it because I love you.

Anyway you can’t have me, so make your own man with these Make Your Own Man Interchangeable Cubes. There’s a surfer dude, a rock star, a money maker or a family man. No blogger? Pffft! Bloggers are the manliest! *Shrieks and jumps out of my chair* A spider!

*Lawyer casually walks over and picks up spider* So you see your honor… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury… He was never fat at all. It was all a lie, perpetuating a blogger stereotype. He doesn’t even have a neck beard!

Stupid lawyer tricks. I almost got away with it.
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Jabba The Hutt Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

star wars jabba the hut necklace
This Jabba the Hutt Necklace is for all of you ladies who don’t have a fat slug weighing them down in real-life. You know, some slob playing the PS4 all day or playing with action figures while you go out and earn a living. Obviously my wife doesn’t need this. She has her own.

*Pops a toad in my mouth and yanks her closer on her chain for a kiss. Gets strangled.* I guess playing with my Rancor is out of the question?

Nicolas Cage Meme iPhone Cases

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nicolas cage i phone case
Your iPhone is a powerful device, even if they do keep “upgrading” it every year and giving you the bare minimum in new features for a sweet high price. See, that right there is why I use a flip phone. Well, your crazy expensive phone is about to get even more powerful. Unlock the power of Nicolas Cage and let him hug your phone with his dead unblinking eyes, like the Shakespearean acting sloth that he is. Your smartphone will never be the same.

Choose from Pepperoni Pizza face Cage, Mona Lisa Cage, Illuminati Cage, Our Lord Cage, Astronaut Cage and Renaissance Woman Cage. Get all the Nic Cages. You gotta catch ’em all!
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Star Wars Lightsaber House Keys

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

light saber key cover
These Star Wars Lightsaber keys would totally destroy you plain old house key in a fight. *Makes cool lightsaber sounds* Pretty awesome. But WTF? You have to train in a swamp just to learn Jedi powers? What is Yoda gonna make me do to earn a friggin’ Lightsaber key? I suppose I have to do fancy Jedi moves around my neighborhood with him on my back!

Not enough it is to feel the force. You must use the force to pick up this dog doody. *concentrates as dog doody hovers in mid-air* Good very good. Higher it must go. Feel the force flow through the doody. You and the doody are one. Feel it’s corn. Be one with the stink. Higher still, you must lift it. Good. Now drop the doody in that chimney, you must!

WTF Yoda?

Judged me by my size, that one did. Know where he lives, I do. Pay now, he will!