Sexy Halloween Witch Shoes

witch shoes
Damn. Those are some sexy Halloween witch shoes girl! What do ya say we hook up? I’ll make you curl your toes like a house landed on you. Baby we could- *POOF! Turns into a frog.*

*Poof* I’m back. Dang. Just sayin’ they’re sexy. Oh, it smells like you got something cooking in your cauldron. Also, do I smell bread? Does that make you the Wicked Witch of the Yeast? Is it done yet? Can I eat over? Please? Please?

*Poof!*

Black Onyx Spider Sterling Silver Cuff Bracelet

https://www.etsy.com/listing/233727581/black-onyx-spider-sterling-silver?ga_order=price_desc&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=spooky&ref=sr_gallery_21
I hate sliders! I mean spiders! I hate the old Sliders TV show too, but for completely different reasons. I guess I’m dealing with a lot of repressed stuff today for that to come bubbling up to the surface. Spiders always do this to me. Anything on 8 legs stresses me out. *Breathing. Finding a place of zen.*

This Black Onyx Spider Sterling Silver Cuff Bracelet gives me an idea. Everytime I kill a spider, I’m gonna encase it in clear plastic so I can wear a spider ring on every finger. Plus have a spider cuff for each arm. That way when I get to the Boss Spider, I can punch it’s lights out with my spider-fists of fury and block it’s strikes with my cuffs.

On second thought that may have been the end an old Nintendo game.

Zombie M & M’s And Zombie Good & Plenty T-Shirts

zombie candy t shirt
Your favorite Halloween candies are now Zombies thanks to Etsy seller wardrobetheglobe. FYI: I tried wardrobing the globe once, but I kept having to undo that Hawaiian shirt anytime I wanted to see learn about the world.

We have zombie M & M’s (The peanut variety) and zombie Good and Plenty. This candy bites back! I always wanted to dress up as undead candy. Heh. Undead Candy. Sounds like a stripper putting on a Halloween show, but that may just be my meds kicking in.
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Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator

Drinks With Death
This Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator doesn’t scare me. I’ll drink death under the table. ANOTHER! *Slams shot glass down on the table. Wipes my lips with my arm. Stares intently at death. Then passes out and hits the table after the first drink.*

This fun Halloween Fascinator (That’s a fancy word for putting absurd things on your head.) has a drunken skeleton clutching a cherry-topped cocktail and a light-up brain. Which describes the end of my work day pretty well actually. He’s even laying in the same position, except I’m clutching my computer, not a brain. There are also two eyeballs.
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Weird Skullapillar Mini Puppet

skullapillar
This Skullapillar mini puppet just wants a hug. And since your body is too big, just give the little guy your finger. Let him squeeze it real tight. Paint a little Skullapiller face on your finger and he might even fall in love. Start smooching your finger as he holds it tight, doing a little slow dance.

Until he BITES YOUR FAKE FINGER FACE OFF because that’s how they mate. What are you crazy? You don’t go sticking your finger anywhere near a Skullapillar! What’s wrong with you? Look at him snacking on your fingertip, with that sex afterglow on his mandible face.
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