Tag: halloween

Shark Attack Monster Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Shark Attack Monster Mask
Shark attacks only go two ways. You can either be the one thrashing and getting sliced and diced or you can be the one doing the chomping. I recommend being the shark. Then again, I also recommended Preparation H to that guy at work a few years back just because he was an a**hole! That guy was my boss. He recommended I find other employment. So here I am, finding weird and cool stuff. How’s my blogging? Call 1-800-I-AM-SO-THE-MAN!

Anywho, everyone you approach with this Shark Attack Monster Mask will be afraid you are going to bite their face off. Bonus: It kinda looks like a badass shark/wizard. Be back later. I’m rolling up a new D and D character based on this thing. So what if I have to carry a staff with a sponge-end and water myself every 5 minutes. Gonna call him the Shiz-zard.
Read more “Shark Attack Monster Mask”

Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie
If I had friends I would definitely buy this Set of 4 Zombie Coasters With Crawling Zombie. Because how could you not? That zombie is holding up all of those coasters and has a crazy look on his face like, “You messy piece of s**t. Use one and keep your drink off the furniture!”

I just slam my drinks down on Netflix disks. Yep, I’m that guy. So the next time you put your disk in the player and curse when it won’t play, I hope you’ll think of me as you send it back. *Shrugs* DVD player broke. What? I’m just supposed to send them back without getting my moneys worth?

Hand Soap, For Real

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Halloween Soap
Can you give me a hand and pass the soap? Uh, that’s not what i meant by hand soap but whatever. It will feel good to have a bony hand caressing my body as I bathe. I’m trying to picture Milo Kunis in the shower with me, but that bony hand rubbing my butt feels more like the withered hand of Betty White. Not saying I’m not into it, just saying it’s weird.

Easy there Betty, you’re gonna get me all lathered up!

Ghost Choker

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ghost Choker
When there’s something strange, around your neck, who ya gonna call? GHOST CHOKER! I ain’t fraid of no ghost! I’m totally lying. I WASN’T afraid, but now I’m scared of a chorus line of ghosts crushing my windpipe as they dance and kick their tails up.

Nah, I’m kidding. This choker is spook-tacular. Even supernatural. Ectoplastic! I’m not just saying that because my neck is on the line.

Creepy See-Through Masks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

creepy masks
It’s the cast of your favorite sitcom. From hell. These Creepy See-Through Masks make anyone look like a killer or at best just a deranged psychopath dressed like Steve Jobs. They know I’m talking about them. Now they are looking at me! Now they are looking at you!

I’m just gonna head out while their attention is on you. Laterz. Have fun with your new friends!