Tag: jewelry

Victorian Eye Rings

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Victorian Eye Rings
Victorian Eye Rings. No, not rings for your eye. I don’t even know how that would work. No, I mean rings that are eyes. These are super awesome too because you can be all like, “Give me a knuckle sandwich will ya? I’m gonna give you 5 eyes to the face sucka!” Cuz I would have one on each finger. I’d run my tongue across all of them before I punched the dude too, cuz you have to lay on the creepy and psych him out.

Hey, what’s with that third eye in the pic? Is it okay? Looks like it has glaucoma. Looks like we have a Third Eye Blind concert. You walked right into that one. Not really, I kinda put you on a conveyor belt and waited patiently. Who says we can’t all see eye to eye? Put on your eye rings and give me a fist bump.

Bat Wing Heart Necklace: Batman Approves

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Bat Wing Heart Necklace
Here’s one from “Bat” Midler. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings. And that wind smells rancid. But that’s only because you had tacos today, so I totally get it. I love you anyway. Here, have this awesome Bat Wing Heart Necklace. Because you’ve flown away with my heart, then taken it back to your bat cave and nibbled on it while hanging upside down and pooping bat poop all over the cave floor.

If bats hang upside down to sleep, do they ever have nightmares and poop all over themselves? Probably. Bats aren’t very smart. Anywho, this awesome necklace makes a great gift for the bat lover in your life. Who doesn’t love bats? I love bats. You love bats. Baseball players are always talking about ’em too. We are all batty for bats.
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Zombie Apocalypse Necklace

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Zombie Apocalypse Necklace
When in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, you gotta look cool. Wear something freaky and intimidating so zombies know you mean business. Like a necklace full of babies. That’s what the Zombie Apocalypse Necklace is. You’re also gonna need a baby on board sign. Cuz you know, you got babies on board.

Hey babies. Get on my neck! That’s right zombies, if I have a neck full of babies, I won’t have a problem chopping your head off. Yeah, that’s what I thought! Keep shuffling, you brain craving freak.

Can be worn as a necklace or as a creepy baby beard.

Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats

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Embryo Pair In Santa Hats
What’s up hombres? I mean Embres. Em-bre-os. Bryos before hos right? I’m just messin’ with you guys. Looking good. Forming up nice. Got your little Santa hats on. All cuddled up with each other on your little bed. You look hungry. What are you trying to say? Ohhh, I get it. “Feed us.” Hey, that’s a terrible joke for a fetus to make.

These Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats are just plain freaky. What kind of fetuses spoon each other in bed while wearing Santa hats? They will assault my nightmares tonight and I look forward to doing battle. I hope they find me a worthy adversary as my sword delivers the finishing death blow.

Cleetus was a fetus
and he liked to act elitist.

The womb he did pester
until the third trimester.

And now he’s a loud-ass baby crying all night. Make it stop. Make it stop. Please make it stop!
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This Laughing Crow Necklace Is For The Birds

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This Laughing Crow Necklace Is For The Birds
This Laughing Crow Necklace is just what I need this Christmas. Oh yeah, I need three crow wise men around my neck yakking my ears off. Crow, crow crow! Caw, caw, caw! “Go left. Go right. No, go straight ahead! Don’t listen to that bird brain! No, don’t listen to him! I’ll peck your eyes out! All you do is crow! Keep your beak outta my business!” See, they’re not laughing so much as being jerks! Loud, arguing jerks. Always pecking at each other.

I already have a headache. You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth 3 on your chest. This is like having your very own awesome tri-bird-boob! It’s a C-Cup. Get it? C for Crows.