*Pretend swimming through my hazy and murky bedroom.* What’s that? Oh, shiny! I have to touch it. *CHOMP* This Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp makes every day an adventure. A scary adventure, full of teeth.
This crazy fish is basically a flood light. Get it? Flood? It stands 5 feet tall, 4 feet wide and 5 feet long. The light over the head will lure you in so that when you walk closer, the eyes and body light up using a motion sensor light. I’m scared just thinking about it.
I’m putting this Alien Egg Night Light in the bathroom so that the next time someone enters after me and says, “What the hell? Did you lay an Alien egg in there?” I can say yes. Yes I did. Enjoy it’s exotic glow mingled with the delicate yet putrid notes of my own natural scents.
This alien egg is pretty terrifying, but pretty cool. It’s where the Xenomorphs and facehuggers come from. They used to call me a facehugger too cause if I don’t like you or if you’re invading my space, my hand goes straight for the face and I don’t let go. No matter how much you lick at my palm. People think I’m all aggro and freaky, but really I’m just practicing the Vulcan mind meld. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. You just end up with a bunch of friends with dents in their face that match your fingers. They never showed that part in your precious Star Trek. You live, ya learn.
Read more “Alien Egg Night Light”
This Nuke Lamp in the shape of a mushroom cloud will lend an irradiated glow to your home. Usually only the cockroaches would survive a blast like this, but both you and those nasty creatures will be safe.
This amazing 3D printed lamp really splits my atoms. It’s rad! Get it? I love it a mega-ton! I hope I don’t get any fallout because of these lame jokes. I wish I had been alive in the 60s and had this lamp. I would have tricked all of my dates using the old “under the desk, duck and cover” routine. Nah, I’ll be fine sitting at the desk. Only enough room down there for one. You get under so you’re safe. Heh heh. While you’re down there…
*Hey that’s rude!*
What? I was gonna say to check if the carpet needs vacuuming.
*That’s sexist*
Well, I just meant.
*You shut up mister!*
When did the voice in my head get so mean and bossy?
Armadillo Lamp. For when you need an Armadillo and a lamp in one. It’s a lamp-adillo. A real fringe item. *Elbows you in the rib and points to the fringe.* Basically it’s a dead animal suspended for all time above a small burning sun, which would burn it’s insides if it had any left. Those are probably splattered all over some Texas highway.
Spent a week in Amarillo and met an Armadillo. Walked across the road and he got flat as a pillow. So I took him home and put him on the grill-o. Afterwards I cleaned it with a brillo. Pad.
I have no idea what I’m even typing. Bartender! Another drink. And no, I refuse to stop blogging in your establishment. Just lock up and I’ll find my own way flat onto my face. Same way you found me this morning.
Check it out. What we have here is some mood lighting that is stuck on one mood, and one mood only, creepy. These Skull Wall Sconces will make your house look like an awesome fantasy castle. “From this day forth I shall make skull sconces of my enemy’s heads! This I swear!”
It’s a lot easier than what I did to get that whole Game of Thrones castle look. It took me like 3 weeks to dig that 10 foot wide mote around my house. And only about a minute for it to fill up with sh*t after I hit the sewer lines. Now it’s known around the neighborhood as Casa de la Caca. They also call me lord of the flies.