Leather Coffin Journal

Leather Coffin Journal
Live it up with this Leather Coffin Journal. Well, maybe not live it up. Maybe dwell on our impending deaths as we shuffle off this immortal coil. Wow, that even depressed me. Also impressed me cuz it sounded cool. Probably sounded cool as hell to everyone who didn’t see me choke on that lemon starburst and throw myself against the chair to give my self the old Heimlich maneuver.

Anywho, how do you put a bunch of dead bodies in one coffin? This journal is how. It is perfect for drawing a corpse on every page. That way you have a flip book of dead bodies all sharing one coffin. Maybe make it so it decomposes by the end.

Therefore perfect for undertakers and such. If anyone else does it it’s just weird. Yeah, I know it was my idea. Everyone knows I’m weird.
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Leather Zombie Backpack

Leather Zombie Backpack
If you plan to go wandering the wasteland of the zombie apocalypse, you are going to want a backpack that says, “This is what happened to the last zombie bastich that messed with me. Come at me undead bro! Bring it!”

This zombie backpack has your back and he’s conveniently faced away so he won’t bite you. That doesn’t mean you can tease him and put stuff near his mouth and watch him snap though. Don’t be cruel! You can store all of your apocalypse accessories inside of him. Pretty sweet.
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Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case

rattlesnake i phone 6 case
Sweeeet! Check out this Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case. You can set your ringtone to a snake hiss and look all awesome when you pull your phone out with a Rattlesnake head attached. Even if it will bite you with every call.

Too bad I can’t use it. I just upgraded to an iPhone 3. Of course I also recently upgraded to a computer smaller than a refrigerator. It is SO nice to be able to see pictures on the internet. I had no idea that Facebook really was full of faces. That thing has faces everywhere. I’m in the process of moving over from Myspace. Ah hell. BRB The ice delivery guy is here. Now I can buy groceries! WOOT!

Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box

Monster Storage Boxes
This Troll-Topped Monster Storage Box is pretty awesome. In D and D, when you find a special box like this in the dungeon, you know it contains a magical item or two. Maybe even some magical fruit that doesn’t make you toot. My campaigns usually go something like this:

My DM: You see a large chest with a troll head on it. What do you do?

Me: I look from the chest to the woman’s face and ask her where she got such a lovely troll tattoo.

DM: Seriously?

Me: Yeah. It’s quality work.

DM: Do something else.

Me: I wet my thumb and rub the chest, seeing if the troll comes off.

DM: Roll a Dex check. You fail automatically. The chest eats you.

Me: So I’m inside the chest? Can I motorboat?

DM: We’re done here.
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Black Leather Bone and Chain Breast Plate Body Armor

Black Leather Bone and Chain Breast Plate Body Armor
This Black Leather Bone and Chain Breast Plate Body Armor will have you apocalypse ready in an instant. The base is made from a leather biker jacket with a bunch of deer and raccoon ribs and a muskrat skull. You know, just your standard body armor. I would totally wear this and go out into the Wasteland like Mad Max.

Every night I would sleep under the stars and wake up to birds pecking at my chest, but that’s okay. I would look badass.
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