Oh thank God! I thought that was my ex wife at first. Definitely not her though, because the snakes this Medusa Snake Wig are not moving and she isn’t b*tching at me to take out the trash. Jesus, I can only move so fast. I’m doing it already. Call your Vipers off.
And stop letting them bite my ears so they can pull me in for a kiss.
That’s okay, when I divorced her, I took half her snakes,which left her with just a snake mohawk.
These Frankenstein and Bride Wine Bottle Vases make a nice romantic gift for the monster in your life your wife. Those flowers look pretty good in that bottle. I give my wife the gift of booze bottles with flowers in all of the time. That’s cuz I buy booze on the way home, drink it up as I walk, then pluck some flowers and insert them. She’s happy, I’m happy. They’re usually dead by the time I present them to her though. Flowers don’t exactly thrive on liquor fumes.
Holy Jeebus! Pinhead Bunny scares the hell out of me more than raising it. Get it? Hellraiser? Is it Hellraiser or Hellrazor? Nah, that’s just the devil’s Gillette. Anyway, this ain’t no funny bunny? You might call him Hare-raiser! Get it? Man, I crack myself up. Those eyes. That face. That’s gonna be in my nightmares tonight, stoked by the warm fire that is the quart of gin I drank to forget I ever saw this thing. Dude broght his own knives and everything.
I have a plan though. When this thing shows up in my dreams to gnaw at my bones with it’s buck teeth, I’m gonna trick him and Freddy Krueger into killing each other. Then I will finally be at peace. Can’t a guy sleep for one night without freaky freaks invading his dreams?
It’s never too early for Krampus. Even if it isn’t Krampus time, you can enjoy this Krampus Display Head on your mantel. Give him a haircut and some moisturizer and he may even be more pleasant to look at. That’s what my mom said to my wife on our wedding day anyway. Don’t be a grumpus. Or a Wampus, buy yourself a Krampus. He looks crazy. Wampus bampus, thank you Krampus!
Did that make any sense? I woke up with med-head. It’s like bed-head, but due to meds.
Sweet! I finally got my Werewolf class ring! You have no idea what I had to go through in Werewolf Boot Camp to earn this Large Medieval Werewolf Ring. I’m talking tearing through chicken carcasses in under a minute while the coach is all like, “Eat it maggot!” and I’m all like, “That’s not polite at all.” I had to practice holding back my Werewolf-ness on full moons for as long as possible, under the light of an extra moon as the dude mooned me. “Fight it maggot! Do you want innocent civilians hurt?” *Shaking his acne-riddled boot-camp booty.* He’s lucky I only bit his butt once. And this all took forever cuz full moons are like once a month. I earned this baby.
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