Tag: monster

Glowing Baby Cthulhu Figure

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Glowing Baby Cthulhu Figure
Wahhhh wahhhhh! Baby Cthulhu‘s crying is driving me insane! I think he needs his diaper changed. I thought you were supposed to be an elder god, not an infant crybaby. Maybe you’re an elder tot. I have no idea. All I know is, I ain’t changing that diaper. Smells like you just took a radioactive dump. No wonder you glow in the dark.

I heard they picked you up from day care early the other day cuz you Chernobyl-ed the place with a flaming log. Ground zero is your britches man! Are your parents getting home soon? Cuz I have an appointment to go babysit baby Frankenstein at nine. His parents are going to the opera. Then I have to swing by a 1/4 Werewolf kids house and watch him while his parents go crazy on the full moon tonight. This whole monster babysitting gig is not nearly as cool as I thought it would be. Okay fine, I’ll remove the diaper and dip you in the toilet with a pair of tongs, and flush a couple of times, but I ain’t cleaning you. God, that’s foul! Cool your tentacles while I get my hazmat suit. Your folks are paying extra next time.

Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant

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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant
Do you think that Werewolves all wear stuff like this cool Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant, so they can spot each other and know that they are all Werewolves? I only ask cuz some nights I get crazy and tear through a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands and they have to lock me in a cage for the night. Also I’m hairy. People say I’m just hungry and fat, I say I’m a werewolf. Then I slash them with my claws and run off on all fours howling. Then I wake up naked the next day, but that’s only because I’m a free spirit.

It’s an endless battle with the moon. Speaking of the moon, I find that the moon acts childish. Oh well, probably just a phase. Once a month the moon gets so full of itself. It’s so vain. Anyway, here’s a song for the moon:

You’re so vain
You probably think this post is about you.
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Classic Horror Monster Nesting Dolls

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Classic Horror Monster Nesting Dolls
It’s a little known fact that monsters, like birds, love to nest. Except that monsters are so freaky they like to nest in each other. Like these Classic Horror Monster Nesting Dolls. Who knows why monsters do what they do. It’s weird. It’s basically monster sex, which seems wrong. But what do I know? Anyhow, this cool set is going to look great on your desk or shelf.

It includes Frankenstein, Dracula, Phantom of the Opera, The Creature, Mummy, and Wolfman. What’s up with the Phantom? I can think of lots of better places to be a phantom of than the opera. I would be phantom of the Burger King, phantom of the Playstation maybe… Still, it beats being phantom of the Oprah.
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Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art

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Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art
I’m gonna hang these Werewolf And Vampire Wall Hanging Art pieces at opposite ends of the room and watch them stare each other down. That way they won’t be tempted to come to life and eat me. They’ll be too busy sizing each other up and growling and stuff. That way I can go about my business and have some cool decor, without any worries. Phew! Not that they’re real tough with no arms, but they could bite if you get close enough.

Maybe I’ll give them some mannequin arms and make them hug each other, cuz I’m really all about being a monster peacemaker.
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Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters

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Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters
This Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters has a cool “tumbled” look. So do I. Just got done rolling around on the floor with a beautiful girl. *Fixes my hair while out of breath.* That’s only because I love that cat and she wanted to play the ribbon game and chase it around for awhile. Sheesh. Don’t make it dirty. Where was I? No, I mean in the article about the monster coasters. I know where I am physically. I didn’t get amnesia. Can we just focus on these cool tiles? Thank you.

These coasters look awesome. I’ve always wanted to set my drinks on small movie monster posters like I was some rich movie mogul. Now I can. You gotta love that art. That Creature from the Black Lagoon poster? This is exactly how women see me as I am checking them out. So I can definitely relate. It’s a good thing that creature never got put on trial at the end of that movie. You know why? He would be found Gill-ty. HAhahahaha You walked right into that one like an upturned rake I left in the yard. Been waiting for someone to step on that. About time.