*Snores loudly as lips reverberate.* Daddy. Daddy. Wake up. Huh? What? What the shizz! Get away from me you foul floating demon. No Daddy. It is I, the culmination of a million lonely nights. You made me. Every time you do the deed with yourself, a little bit of me formed in the ether. Last night, your ritual before bed brought me fully into this world.
Arrrrggghhhhhhh! *Runs screaming out of the house.*
Read more “Cute But Freaky: The Unknown Being”
Ribbit! Hey, look. A giant Monster Toad Head. I should totally kiss it and turn it into a Prince. Just to end it’s imprisonment. *Smooches it’s slimy face.* Well, that didn’t work. He’s still a toad. *Looks in the mirror.* What the deuce?!?! I’m a Prince. And not some dude that’s next in line to run a kingdom. I’m Prince as in Raspberry Beret. The kind you buy from the second hand store. This is friggin’ awesome. *Adjusts my frilly shirt.*
I’m out guys. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999, which means I have to buy a flip-phone and get ready for Y2K.
Read more “Monster Toad Head”
Hey, check out my choker! Does that sound dirty? Sorry. I mean my Monster Choker Necklace. Really though, check it out. Go ahead and unzip it. Go on. Hey, why are you running away? I guess some people just don’t appreciate fashion.
Check this out.*Puts a hot dog in there. zips it back up. Unzips it a minute later.* See? Gone. Thing is hungry as hell. I fed it some Skittles and onion rings earlier too. Problem is I have to brush ’em every night or they get even nastier. It’s a real pain.
What in the f**kitty s**tstorm! What on Earth is that Gargoyle doing to you? Oh wait. Just saw the last two images. What are YOU doing to him? I don’t even- It goes from a surprise dry-hump(LOL Look at the terror on that guy’s face. He’s got his hand out like, “Oh nos! WTF is happening?) to an insane struggle that has both of these freaks on the ground rolling around. I’m unsure if this is consensual or not which makes me feel weird.
On the off chance that this ended up being consensual, I wish you both the best of luck. If not. I hope that weird dude feels better soon.
Read more “Inflatable Gargoyle Halloween Costume”
These Etched Horror Themed Pint Glasses from Nyghtwear are scary, spooky and all together kooky. Like me. You can choose from zombies, Edgar Allen Poe, Vampira, Frankenstein and more.
I’m bringing mine to my favorite bar and telling the bartender to fill it up! And by my “favorite bar” I mean the long row of wine boxes on my kitchen counter. By “bartendar” I mean my assorted cats who are always licking at the nipple/dispenser part like it’s a row of mom kitty titties. As usual, there will be none left for me. I’ll just go drink from my water dish. Again! *grumbles* Going to an actual bar.
Edgar Allen Poe me another drink bartender, I brought my own Franken-stein. No this doesn’t have a lid. He flipped it. Been gone for awhile now. He likes to drink deep and forget.
So fill it up high and raise a toast to the world’s greatest monsters. Speaking of which. The wife couldn’t be here. She sends her apologies, but promises to resume her nagging and grunting the minute I get back.
Read more “Etched Horror Themed Pint Glasses”