Tag: novelty

Skull Potion Bottle Necklace

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Skull Potion Bottle Necklace
These Skull Potion Bottle Necklaces are like little pickled skulls that you want to just pick out with a tiny fork and put in your mouth. No? Just me? That’s not weird right? These things are potions that you hang around your neck. I don’t know. They restore your health and give you mana and stuff in case you’re fighting a boss monster.

I’m just assuming. I’ve never fought a boss monster. But I did get married once and it took a lot of potion to get past that beast. Potion made by a wizard named Jack Daniels.

Alien Perfume

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Alien Perfume
I can only guess that Alien perfume smells like a cross between uranus, which they are probing, and the smell of pee from when you peed yourself during their experiments. Now you can wear the scent of a defiled and scared human all day long.

It comes in a cool bottle that looks all weird and alien. I’m pretty sure this is part of their plan. This scent will get you noticed. And when they notice, they’ll suck you up in the spaceship and then the fun begins.

Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle

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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle
This Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle should be given out as an award to those who have logged the most time on the throne. Ha. Logged. I crack myself up. If you consider the toilet worthy of decoration, get yourself a gold shark. Man, I gotta get one someday. You know you’ve made it when you have a gold shark on the sh***er.

Like they say at the end of French movies….

Fin!

Cool And Scary Traveler’s Bags

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Cool And Scary Traveler's Bags
These travel bags from Etsy seller creatureog are kinda scary and spooky. You carry a bag like this and people will think you are a witch, or a gypsy. Me, I don’t rush to judgement.

What about that time you outed a witch at the grocery store?

Yeah well she got like $700 in groceries for $1.98. Tell me that wasn’t witchcraft!

They were filming Extreme Couponing for TLC.

Witchcraft! And if you say otherwise I’ll burn you at the stake!
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Emergency Underpants Dispenser

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Emergency Underpants Dispenser
I could have used this emergency underwear dispenser last taco night. Says me and whoever the guy who cleans the bathroom at the undisclosed location of the now de-classified incident. It’s been long enough now that the geiger counter doesn’t go super crazy. Emergency underwear is a must in my line of work. Mostly because any time I need underwear happens to be an emergency. Blog eat shart. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

This will give you 5 pairs of underwear when you really need it. You guys really know way too much about me. Also I have no shame. I do have underwear.
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