Tag: novelty

Gold And Silver Vampire Rings

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Gold And Silver Vampire Rings
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.

I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”

Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
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Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants

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Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants
Goosh. It means “The undesired oozing of any substance, such as jelly in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Example: This peanut butter and jelly sandwich just gooshed all over me! Well, these Goosh Pants aren’t oozing PB and J. Looks more like truffle butter to me, but I’m no expert.

These pants are gooshing in the front and gooshing in the back. Duck duck goosh baby! Dude looks like a walking Rorschach test. That’s me by the time laundry day comes around again. I really need to have more than two pair of pants.

Weird Anatomy Keychains

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Weird Anatomy Keychains
I’m a simple dude. I don’t need see how the sausage is made. I just wanna wolf it down. Just like I don’t need to see the insides of humans. It’s gross. Which is why Doctor’s are messed in the head. What 5 year old says. “When I grow up I want to cut other people open and stick my hands all up in ’em!”? Doctors, that’s who!

Etsy seller tcustom has all kinds of human anatomy keychains and they ain’t no better than doctors! *Spits.* Now get off my lawn. Brains and insides is icky and gooey!
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Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread

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Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread
I guess the whole Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread thing has become a decorating trend. Glad I could start a fad. You leave your sandwiches unattended often enough and people start to imitate you. I prefer PB and J myself.

This wall decal is bound to improve the value of your mobile home. I’m just assuming that if this is your sandwich of choice, you are not really dodging a tornado right now, while pink lawn flamingos and Budweiser cans whirl around you.

Dragon Fetus In A Jar

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Dragon Fetus In A Jar
I’m pretty sure this cool Dragon Fetus In A Jar is a prop from the un-filmed Dreamworks production called “How to Abort Your Dragon.” I think I read that they had budget problems. But this is the next best thing to seeing the movie.

Meet Cleetus, the awesome dragon fetus. He looks all cute and sleepy with his wings curled up close. But he’s not. He’s dead. Or she. I have no idea how to tell male and female dragons apart until one starts bitchin’ about how the other never does chores and stuff.