Tag: novelty

Utter-ly Ridiculous: Cow Skin Rug

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cow skin rug
How now brown cow. You look like you got run over with a plow. I don’t think this Cow Skin Rug is made from actual cow skin. There’s no way to know since the seller’s add says absolutely nothing.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess it was a leftover from some UFO cow mutilation, cuz I know sometimes they just toss the leftovers out of the ship, like that time I saw a UFO and a cow fur suit fell from the sky. I put that baby right on and ewwwwww! Just like thrift store clothes, I shoulda cleaned it first. It was like an icky squishie pair of footy pajamas with hooves.

What can you do but shake your fist at those alien bastids and walk home in utter shame?

Newborn Baby Soap

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newborn baby soap
This Newborn Baby Soap is pretty cool, but I already smell like a newborn baby.

You mean you smell like flowers and nature and candy and powder? Sugar and spice and everything nice?

No, I mean I smell like I’ve been sitting in my own filth for about 2 hours while my parents neglect me. Been crying about it at the top of my lungs too. What do you have to do to get some service around here?

Party Animal Face Coasters

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Party Animal Face Coasters
Unleash your inner party animal with these Party Animal Face Coasters! No, not the monkey. He’s just gonna start breaking stuff and going crazy. I hope that’s brown play-doh he’s throwing! My party animal is the baby kangaroo, cuz I get all bouncy and start jumping around to the music. Also, there’s a good chance I’ll end up deep in your pouch ladies. It’s all good, cuz I’m yours. I’ll never stray. I ain’t no cheetah!
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Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates

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Calamityware Disastrous Dinner Plate Dishes
You know those old plates that your grandmother had? The ones with the cobalt blue patterns, with floral designs and landscapes? These are like those plates. Only cooler. Don Moyer creates this line of Calamityware dinner plates. They have all kinds of weird and disaster type themes like flying monkeys, a UFO attack, giant robots and giant sea monsters.

See grandma! My plates are way cooler! Even if I can’t feed myself cuz I’m an adult man-baby. Where’s my mac and cheese already?
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Val Kilmer Paper Doll

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val kilmer paper doll
You loved him in Willow. You hated him in Batman. Now is your chance to dress Val Kilmer up anyway you like and make him look like a sissy-boy thanks to this Val Kilmer Paper Doll.

Just like mom did to me. Sadly, some of that stuff looks like it came from my closet, but whatevs. I look way better in that striped “smock”. It’s not a dress. It’s a smock. For a schmuck.

Have Val Kilmer in the palm of your hand with this unique paper doll set. Perching a hat, or a bow on his head, and marvel at how softly his hair falls on his shoulders. Explore his body with two dimensional dresses, slacks and bathing suits. With so many outfits and accessories to choose from, you’ll be wishing you and Val wore the same size.
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