Sweet! An Apple watch that I can actually afford! Looks close enough to fool people from like 2 miles away too. I’ll probably still have to upgrade this one every friggin’ year!
The down side is that it breaks super easy, which is okay with me because I can’t even figure how to tell the damn time on it. Maybe one of those genius dudes can explain it to me. You know it’s awesome cuz of how thin it is.
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Do you take this T-Rex, in extinction and in health, till death do you part by fiery meteor shower that reigns death upon the Earth? You do? You may now kiss the bride.
These Dinosaur Bride & Groom Wedding Cake Toppers are perfect for couples who can’t hug each other due to small stubby arms. Or, you know, just people who like dinosaurs. Which reminds me, I have a Jurassic Park playset and action figures that I need to get back to. Laterz!
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Hey look! An Eatja board. Clever word-pun for a Ouija Board cutting board. You can remind yourself of that little laugh when you cut your finger on this thing while chopping vegetables as your blood runs into the various letters spelling E-F-F-I-N-G…O-U-C-H!
I like to slap a piece of steak down and cut a hole in the middle, then place my fingers down gently and watch that flesh move across the board as I look for guidance on my meal. *Meat moves* H-A-V-E…A…S-A-L-A-D!
The other side really is full of evil!!!! GET OUT OF HERE SATAN! *Throws board in my grill and lights it on fire. Uses fire to cook steak.*
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Man, rich people have all the fun and luxury stuff. By rich people, I mean people with $100 to spend. Like this insane silver dinosaur head. It will probably be on the wall in some house that has a baby. People will be all like, “Were you born with a silver spoon?”
And he’ll be all like, “No, but we had a silver dinosaur head! So yes I am better than you. Now, where were we? Oh yes. I said PASS THE GREY POUPON you peasant! Chop chop!”
I’m gonna give this Eye Necklace to my wife so she can say what she always says. “Hey, my eyes are up here. Wait-!”
“That’s right, your eyes are in fact just where I was looking! Ha! Now I can look at boobs and your eyes at the same time. I win! I have found a way around that age old response!”
“Really? Have you found a way to pull your balls back out of your stomach after I kick them?”
“Uh. Not yet. Let me get on that and get back to you.”
“And stop looking at my eyes!”