Tag: novelty

Bigfoot Beer Glasses

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Bigfoot Beer Glasses
Get a set of 2 Bigfoot Beer Glasses. That way you can do like I do. Drink one and leave one out on the back porch for Bigfoot. Pro tip: He likes a stout ale. You pour anything else for him and you’ll be cleaning thrown feces off the back deck for a week. He’s such a baby!

Then if you don’t give him a beer at all he’s all like, I’m just gonna walk around all night grunting outside of your window and leave huge footprints while I whine like a wuss.

The intervention is next week. I still have to order the tranquilizer darts and body armor.

Panty Hose Art

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panty hose sculptur art
*Stares at the art on the gallery wall* Can I help you sir?

I’m looking for something sexy. Something that captures the essence of a woman throwing her clothes against an open window for a full week. Yes! Yes, that’s it! Panty hose art! Sheer genius! I’ll take two! I’ll pay later. I promise. No need to worry about me doing a runner.

Reminds me of a joke I heard once. How many animals can you fit in a pair of panty hose? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, and a fish that no one can seem to find. I’ll be here all week…

These go well with the jeans sculpture.

Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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Lizard King Mask

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lizard king mask
Holy leaping lizards! I am the lizard king. I can do anything! This lizard king mask is awesome as hell. I mean, just imagine being the actual lizard king! Every time you walk into a room full of lizards, they would all stand at attention. Fancy medieval castle music might even play.

I personally never thought that I would get a shot at lizard royalty, but this mask gives me a chance at my dreams. I would make a few grunts and order a random Chameleon executed while I stuff my fat lizard face with food. I hate those guys. I would go mad with power.

Be right back. Gotta drain the lizard!
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Grumpy Old Man Face Necklaces

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Grumpy Old Man Face Necklaces
This is a Grumpy Old Man Face Necklace. I only showed one cuz one grumpy old coot looks pretty much like another. Grumpy old men are totally in style this season. Also, when you ladies wear this, it’s like man repellent. Let’s say you’re on a date and the guy gets all touchy-feely. That’s when this thing comes to life.

“Whoa Nelly. I’d move that hand mister. I dint raise this calf to be milked by the likes o you!” And this creepy coffin dodger doesn’t just have eyes on your upper half. Let’s say your date tries to make a move in a much lower area. “Got Dammit! Get off my lawn you somb-itch!”

Yeah, wear this old fart if you want, just don’t expect any sexy-time. At least the nose pendant can only smell what you are doing.