This Nibble My Bits Bird Feeder Garden Gnome will be a sight for sore eyes for my neighbors, whose eyes are sore because it’s usually me in the yard with birdseed in my pants, shouting at them to “Nibble my bits” you fargon iceholes! They never do.
I think they’ll welcome this little guy. Property values may even go up around here. What can I say, I’m a bird lover and why use a dish when I wear pants three sizes too big?
Orders Chinese. Waits for like a half an hour. Guy arrives. I tip him a buck forty and a lemon starburst. Then I go inside and unpack my order. It’s all piping hot. I open up the center container and retrieve my warm and toasty Take Out Tentacle Scarf. Wrapping it around my neck, I smile. I can now go out in the cold.
As I step toward the door, it hits me. It’s friggin June! What the hell. It’s like sub-zero here with the AC at full blast. Well, I guess I’m wearing my Take Out Scarf In today. Hope I fare better than that strangled mannequin below.
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These Zombies Playing Cards will turn your poker night into “The Shuffling Dead”. They feature some pretty cool zombie artwork.
Zombie survival tip #27: You can throw playing cards at a zombie to stab him in the eye. But it probably won’t work. So just run like hell and save your cards for a lonely night in some basement bunker somewhere.
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I don’t know about you, but I plan on inviting some friends over to play the Spam Dice Game. I have no idea how to play though. Usually playing the SPAM game involves the family collectively gagging a little and seeing how much you can get down your SPAM-hole before opening a full on vomitorium in the kitchen. Then the fun part starts when your vomit clogs up the sink and you have to plunge it. First one to get that drain clear while not passing out wins.
Not that I’m saying SPAM is gross or anything.
Anyway, who wants to come over and roll some dice. I’ll cook up a meal and prime the drain.
These Realistic Animal Lollipops were created by Amezaiku artist Shinri Tezuka. Amezaiku is the Japanese craft of lollipop-making, which dates back to the 700s. Wow, humans have been sucking for a long time. I thought it was just the younger generation. You learn something new everyday. And then you forget it, because you get distracted by other weird stuff.
So Shinri Tezuka makes realistic lollipops for the suckers who visit his Tokyo shop. Hey, that’s what they are. Me? I don’t suck mine, I like to lick it all day long and savor it. Hey! What’s so funny? I like lollipops. I take my time. Unlike that Tootsie Pop Owl.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of your goldfish pop? Let’s find out. a-one *lick* a-two *lick* three *chomp* What in the seven kingdoms of candy hell? That’s a real goldfish!
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