Looking for something unique in a spice rack? How about a Custom Test Tube Spice Rack? That way you can pretend you’re a scientist while seasoning your food and ruin it by putting way too much paprika in it. I hate when that happens.
Little known fact: My dad was a test tube baby, which makes me a baby from a proven tube. That tube was the boobtube. And by that I mean the TV, which did often have boobs on it. Boobs will bring you up right!
*Picks up guitar and starts pluckin’ all twangy and southern. Sings.*
Well I prefer hobbits to Lorena Bobbitts.
Yes I prefer Hobbits to Lorena Bobbitts.
I don’t need no Frodo
slicing up my scroto.
Don’t need no Lady Bilbo
cutting off their own *beep*
It rhymes with Bilbo. Heh heh. Well, that’s all I have so far, but I’m hoping to get the final track included in the next epic 9 hour nerd-fest. I just wanted to pop in and say how cool these Hobbit Hole Playhouse Kits are. They come from Etsy seller Hobbitholes. There’s plenty of room inside for a nerd and a cat. *So basically, you’re house hunting?* Oh har de har har. Aren’t you a barrel of laughs. But seriously, do you think I can swing the mortgage on this baby? I have a down payment of a half eaten pack of Rolos and some Starburst wrappers.
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My brain isn’t awake until it has had at least one cup of coffee. This Brain Coffee Mug is exactly what I need to stare at while my own brain is getting kickstarted. I won’t have any idea what the hell any of this fancy medical stuff means, so I’ll just feel dumb.
This mug will remind me that I am just a sack of meat with a lump of cauliflower between my ears telling me not to eat so much junk food. Screw you brain, what do you know? *Everything* Well, yeah. Technically you know everything, but can you can’t do squat without my motor control. So there.
*Half hour later*
Stupid brain. I can’t believe I let you take control of my body and made me make a healthy salad. Now it’s on! Now do you see why I pig out? Just for that I am going on an all night pastry binge! And stop making me talk all awkward to the girls I meet, or I swear I’ll fill ya so full of Jack Daniels you’ll think you are in a specimen jar. Stupid brain. Drinking is the only time I get any peace.
*What’s that?* Oh, that’s just my trusty Space Unicorn. He doesn’t do much. Just sits there. Looks awesome. No lasers shoot from the eyes and it doesn’t poop glitter. It just does it’s own awesome thing. It was probably attracted to my awesome manliness and my sweet bachelor pad. *Yeah right. It was probably attracted to your virginity!*
Hey, you take that back! *Can’t take back what hasn’t been lost yet* Fair enough. I just like it because it’s pretty and sparkly.
Yep. I went on a trip to London last year and this American Werewolf In London Painting looks about right. Except my sweatpants were hanging way lower and I prefer Burger King. Plus, my bike had a bell.
Ding ding. Ding ding. Fat American tourist coming through. Out of the way. You damn English make it impossible to juggle 3 Whoppers, 4 orders of fries, a happy meal and an ice cream cone.
On the plus side Londoners are really good about you falling off of your bike and having a heart attack. Got me an ambulance in no time. Thanks Gov! Health care there is awesome too. I was on my feet and back to being a disgusting American in no time. MURICA!