Tag: novelty

Super Awesome Trading Cards

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

super awesome trading cardsAwesome. No, super awesome! I love me some trading cards and these Super Awesome Trading Cards are the best. If I was still a kid, I would totally put some of these in my bicycle spokes so it would sound like a motorcycle and trade Abe Lincoln for a Narwhal.

These are just like the cards you collected as a kid, only cooler. And now, instead of leaving cards laying around the house for my mom to complain about and throw out, I can leave them lying around the house for my wife to complain about and throw out. This nerdy man-baby has come full circle!

You can collect all kinds of awesome cards like: Martians, Bigfoot,Abe Lincoln, wizards, zombies and more.
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The Mugga Mug Makes Your Coffee Look Like A Thief

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mugga mugThis Mugga Mug is all dressed up like a thief and it has already stolen my heart. I would take this mug everywhere as I wake up and run my morning errands. No way it would get me in trouble. No way.

First it’s off to the bank where I would set it down by the teller. She would take one look at the mug and hand me a stack of money, telling me to just take it and leave. Sweet! My bank is the best. Nice people! An alarm goes off as I leave, but I’ll just let the police deal with it. No need to be a hero today. Then it’s off to the convenience store where the same thing happens. I wonder why everyone is being so nice when I notice the fuzz pulling up outside and drawing weapons. That’s when I realize this mug is like a “give me all your money note”.

No problem. I’m cool in high stress situations. I pay for my stuff, wipe my fingerprints off the handle and point to the guy behind me in line and say “You get a free mug today!” He’s all like, “Awesome. I love free stuff.”

I leave the counter as if pushed and rush out the door looking scared for my life and announce, “He says the first hostage has been released, but he’s not going down without a fight.”
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Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed: Your Wiener Dog Needs More Mustard

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hot dog bun bedWhen you have a hot dog, you need a cool bun. No, that’s not right. If you have a cool dog, you need a hot dog…bun. No, wait. I can do this. I have been trained in the blogging arts.

*Reaches zen place* If you have a Wiener dog, you need a hot dog bun bed!

Ha! I knew I could do it, despite the fact that I have only had 3 fingers of whiskey today and one middle finger of vengeance when I sideswiped that little fat guy in a cart in the Walmart parking lot. Real cars have the right of way pal! Anyway, I never got a good look at the guy’s face since my rear view mirror smacked into it.

But I digress. You came here to see fun and weird caca that you can buy. Well, behold the Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed. All of the condiments are on it already. You just need to supply the Wiener dog. In fact, if you click through, you can see an actual Wiener dog in the bun. Aren’t you lucky? Yes you are! Who’s the lucky little Creepbay reader? You so cute!
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Star Trek Diapers: Poop, The Final Frontier

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star trek baby diaper
Poop: The Final Frontier. I should get a pair of these, since every woman in my life calls me a man-baby and I do like to cosplay as Captain Picard. Doody-free preferably. I like my number one on the bridge. In the chair next to me. With a beard. Not in a saggy diaper that leaks and gives me a rash. Make it so!

I like my number two shot out of the photon torpedo tubes so it can freeze and twirl and spin before breaking into a million pieces against that Ferengi ship off the port bow.

“Any Klingons Number One?”

“Not a one sir. It all just broke on impact. Not a single bit clinged-on.” *Sly grin*

*Picard grins back. Sits back in the chair.*

Data looks perplexed.

Worf Sighs.

“Our work here is done. Engage!”

End episode!
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Edible Eyes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

eyeball food stickers
I won’t eat anything with eyes on it. Wait! What? You put some edible eyes on some doughnuts? Then it shall see it’s death as my wanting mouth descends upon it’s soft and jelly-filled body. It will also see the terror that is the slide down my throat and the hard landing in my stomach, where it will be compacted by the crunchy orange bones of half-digested Cheetos soaking in a river of Mountain Dew. There it will slowly dissolve until only the eyes remain to greet my next victim.

Edible eyes. I’d eat that. Say, my poops not gonna look like a brown trout now, is it? Between the corn and now the eyes, I’ll almost have a not-so Frosty the steamy brown snowman. Just needs a corn-cob pipe. I’ll be the jolly happy soul though. Feels good to unload, even if it does look back from the bowl.
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