Tag: novelty

Nasty Human Mouth Coffee Cup

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mouth coffee cup
Is it wrong that these nasty mouth coffee cups make me want to tongue my mug really good to get that last drop of coffee? I’m a sucker for a mouth that looks like it belongs to a sea hag with a serious meth problem. No, meth problem. Not math problem. She only has a math problem if she can’t count the few teeth she has.

These human mouth coffee mugs certainly look enticing. They are based on new technology that makes you vomit a little in your cup for every sip you take. A sip of coffee for a bit of sick sounds like a fair exchange to me. However that anus with a tooth known as “C” really scares me.
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Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella

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knightly sword
Whoa! This Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella shall be my Excalibur. One land. One King. With this sword I’ll have a castle, a wizard named Merlin to help me, a beautiful lady of the lake all naked and stuff, a round table, and me and my knights will have some sweet adventures in the countryside. I won’t even have to free Excalibur from a rock.

Nah. I’ll probably just use this Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella to look super cool in or out of the rain. Keep it sheathed on my back as I do a cool-guy walk down the street. Not sure why those cops are following me. Is that guy radioing for backup? Tasers are out now. Not good. Merlin, I call on your power!
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Beer And Soda Can Lamps

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mountain dew lamp
Etsy seller LicenseToCraft makes all kinds of cool lamps that are apparently designed for 30 year old nerds who plan on dying in their mother’s basement. You know, like this Mountain Dew lamp pictured above. Yeah, the one with the green shade made from pull tabs that look like a bunch of green alien heads. If that isn’t enough, look at the light this thing casts! That’s like 100 alien grey heads on the wall! All huddled together like an invasion force. Holy sh*t I am wigging the f**k out! You see that right?

If you think that’s no big deal, check out the Monster energy drink lamp below, casting what looks like a bunch of hooded demons against the wall! This is some serious illuminati(on) stuff right here! No wonder this drink gives people nose bleeds.

The Red Bull lamp projects some kind of weird bird creatures. It’s time for me to leave the internet for awhile. Thanks for making me trip balls internet!
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Own The Night: Bat Pajama Costume

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bat pajama costume
Every night will be an adventure with this Bat Pajama costume. My wife will be all like “Hey stop hitting me with your flappy wings. And your ear just poked my eye!”

I’ll be all like “Eeek. Eeeek. Eeeek.” Followed by more intense wing flapping action. Then I’ll bite her neck and fly off in a puff of smoke to sleep upside down in the doorway. Until I sleep so deep that I fall and hit my head anyway. Although she may get up to pee before that ever happens, because her bladder is as active as my wings. In which case, I’ll get punched in the gut and THEN fall and hit my head. Then I’ll have to use my sonar to find the couch.

Illuminati Air Freshener

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illuminati air freshener
The Illuminati is a secret organization that is rumored to control the world. They may or may not have just activated a sound trigger that made me write this article about their air freshener, to spread the word about the New World Order and start the conditioning of the masses to not fear your new masters.

Your car will smell like jack booted thugs trampling the constitution and kicking in your door, with the gentle hint of MK Ultra programming and just a whiff of never-ending wars fought to enrich the banking elite.

I wish those sounds would stop. I do love that New(World Order) Car smell though.