Tag: plush

Ileum and The Ostomy Plush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ileum and The Ostomy PlushDamn son! This Ileum and The Ostomy Plush is… Well, I had to look up what an ileum was and it’s the third portion of the small intestine aka your poop chute. This plush is like Homer’s Iliad, an epic hero’s journey…

This epic saga recounts the journey of our hero, Feceus. We begin near the end of our hero’s passage, in Ileum (the small intestines).

When Feceus tries in vain to reach the outside world via the rectum, he finds his way is blocked. He valiantly fights his way into the colon but can get no further.

The clever Feceus takes his mighty scalpel and severs the colon in twain! He then takes the end and pushes it through the abdominal wall to create a new exit into the world!

This new exit became known as the Stoma in this tale,
The Ostomy!

So yeah, that happened. Nice bedtime story.

Plush Potato – Fleece Food

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Plush Potato - Fleece Food
What the spud? So this exists. A Plush Potato. A bunch of plush potatoes. AKA your average American. Hey, I can say that cuz I’m American and all doughy and potato-like. So now you can cuddle with a plush spud. These guys look like fleshy ghosts who would multiply and haunt you forever.

Alien Head Pillows – Extrater(rest)rial

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Alien Head Pillows - Extrater(rest)rial
These Alien Head Pillows are perfect for alien-themed sleepovers. Isn’t Brad dreamy? OMG! What about Chandler? We should do our hair! Then before you know it, you are having a pillow fight and throwing alien heads at each other. Problem is that aliens can see you doing this through your window and they think that you have decapitated a bunch of their friends and are tossing their heads around in a berserker bloodlust rage. You are so getting probed tonight! Like probed deluxe, with all the trimmings. Sometimes intergalactic misunderstandings happen. I’m sure you will all laugh about it later aboard the UFO, while you say don’t make me laugh, my butt hurts too much.

Toys For Little Creepers – Plush Skeleton Dolls

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Toys For Little Creepers - Plush Skeleton Dolls
I can’t decide if these Plush Skeleton Dolls are cute or creepy, but that one guy in the back with no face… Nightmare fuel! Look at them. Just one big happy family with momma skeleton holding them all on a rocker. They’re tight too. Nobody makes fun of no-face or calls him names like Void or Spaceface, but you can tell that even they are creeped out by him. Did you know that plush skeletons grow up to become all rigid and bony, losing all of their plushy flesh by 12 years old? True story.

Do you think that pumpkin stole that kids face? Damn. Now I’m more weirded out by the pumpkin. Probably took his soul too. Yeah, that pumpkin is the real power behind the throne. There’s some messed up stuff going on here.

Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies

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Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies
Feeling mopey? Yeah, me too.It’s cuz I don’t have any of these Funko Mopeez Classic Horror Plushies. I knew I was missing something in my life. It was a bunch of cuddly horror movie killers. You know what else is a horror movie killer? Diarrhea! Well, it’s a movie killer in general. Too many milk duds and a river of coke in my stomach. That’s why I always bring a change of pants to the theater. Lifehacks people!