Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, Yowie, Skunk Ape, Turd Burglar… Whatever you call him, the elusive hairy mofo is the stuff of legend. And guess what? Legends get bottle openers in their likeness. Like this Sasquatch Metal Bottle Opener. Just put your cap in Bigfoot’s chest and pop that top. Then report the incident and no one will believe you. Because that’s what Bigfoot does. He makes you look like an A-Hole. Thanks a lot you hairy, smelly freak.
Tag: sasquatch
Bigfoot Pocket Journal 3 Pack
I gotta get me this Bigfoot Pocket Journal 3 Pack cuz I always see Bigfoot in the woods, and one time at the 7-11, but that last one may have been some lady with a LOT of testosterone. I couldn’t tell by the grunting or the big booty waddle. I’d use these to recount all of my Bigfoot sightings.
December 17th Saw Bigfoot taking a deuce in a forest stream. *Draws picture of Sasquatch all bent over and grunting,dropping a cleveland steamer that kills a frog.* January 5th. Saw Bigfoot masturbating. Stepped on a twig and he quickly stopped and pretended he was sleeping all along. *Draws Bigfoot doing his thing. Writes HAHA with an arrow pointing towards his tiny weenie.*
I would fill these things in 5 seconds. People doubt that he exists, but how can you not see him? He’s like ten feet tall.
Mummified Yeti Hand
Hey Yeti can you give me a hand? Thanks. And gross. This Mummified Yeti Hand still has a bunch of hair attached above the wrist. There isn’t any shots of the palm so we don’t know if he was a chronic pee-pee toucher or not, but my theory is that they all are, cuz that’s why they’re so hairy. Dude could definitely use some moisturizer.
Bigfoot Riding a Giant Crab
Bigfoot is the man! Or the Squatch! Who else can make his home in a stick pile in the woods? Who else could battle the Six Million Dollar man? Who else gets dropped off by a spaceship just to drop a deuce then go back home? Who else could ride a giant crab? This Bigfoot Riding a Giant Crab captures the awesomeness of Sasquatch. You know what he did after he rode this crab? He punched it and dug in and had crab cakes! Hey, he was feeling crabby! Crab and cryptid collide in this messed up sculpture made with a real crab.
Bigfoot Kidnapping Gnomes Statue
When one mythical creature starts kidnapping other mythical creatures, you know things are bad, as evidenced by this Bigfoot Kidnapping Gnomes Statue. Technically it’s gnome-napping. Which is a misde-minor. Get it? Misdemeanor… Misde-minor cuz their so small. He’s probably gonna take them back to his cave or stick-hut and cook them for dinner. Maybe he just wants company too. Or slaves. Maybe he’s gonna make them build him a Bigfoot castle.