Tag: sasquatch

Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches

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Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches
Yeah, I remember getting some of these Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches when I was back in Paranormal Boy Scouts. I hunted down Mothman and got that patch. Hunted down the Chupacabra and got that patch too. Little freak scratched my arm and gave me gangrene. I never got the Loch Ness Monster patch cuz I never made it to Scotland. Also never got the Jersey Devil patch cuz seriously, f**k Jersey.

Put these patches all on one jacket, then go out into the woods and dare these beasts to mess with you!

Sasquatch Scary Peeper

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Sasquatch Scary Peeper
This Sasquatch Scary Peeper will give your friends and family a Bigfoot sighting. Also, possibly a heart attack.

The Squatch is at your window creepin’,
The Squatch is at your window peepin’,
The Squatch is peeping at your door,
The Squatch is pooping on your porch floor.

And he ain’t cleaning it up either, cuz Bigfoot don’t carry bags with them to clean up their doo-doo. It’s up to you and me. I just wish he wouldn’t eat so much. It’s all huge and steaming. TMI I know. You can’t catch him. You can’t prove he exists. You just gotta clean up after him.

Creatureplica Action Figures

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Creatureplica Action Figures
Are you crazy for cryptids? Insane for Sasquatch? Yowzer for the Yeti? Of course you are and so am I. That’s why I’m gonna collect all of these Creatureplica Action Figures. There’s the Louisiana Rougarou, Sasquatch, Himalayan Yeti and the HorrorHound! I’m collecting ’em and you should too. Then our moms can make a play-date and we can play with them.

I’ll bring my Leonard Nimoy doll and we can recreate a bunch of “In Search Of…” episodes.

I hope they add more, like the Jersey Devil and Mothman. Ohhhhh and the Chupacabra. I’ll be back later after I order a set.
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Micro Fears Miniature Horror Figures

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Micro Fears Miniature Horror Figures
These Micro Fears Miniature Horror Figures are cool mini horror figures, cuz you can’t handle the full-sized horror.The seller has several cool figures to choose from, including Bigfoot, The Mummy, even some mini dioramas. Pretty sweet. I hope they make more. You don’t have such big feet now, do you? You big hairy, walking carpet. Why don’t you vacuum yourself you big carpet? Just messin’ with you.

Put these cool figures on your desk and play with them like action figures. I can’t wait to pit Bigfoot against The Mummy. My money is on the Mummy, because you don’t f**k with a guy brave enough to wrap himself in dirty toilet paper. What? That’s not his origin story? I thought he wrapped himself in used TP and died from diarrhea germs. That’s not how he got his costume and superpowers? Hmmm. He doesn’t seem so interesting now.
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Hair Of The Sasquatch

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Hair Of The Sasquatch
Hows about a little hair of the Sasquatch? I’ve tried to get a sample of bigfoot hair myself, out in the wild, but every time I find some, the lab tests identify it as monkey pubes or whatever. Big foot is really hard to catch. I can’t even get any evidence on them. That Bigfoot probably grabbed a monkey and rubbed it on a tree just to throw me off his scent.

Anyway, you can get yourself some Sasquatch hair that has been preserved in glass. Alright, I’m gonna take a chance and get it. Better not be pubes again.