Tag: shoes

Shark Attack Spiked Wedges

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Shark Attack Spiked Wedges
*Sits down to dinner. Eyes the hot chick across from me. Immediately starts playing footsies and moving my eyebrows.* CHOMP! HOLY HELL! *Screams and puts my bloody stump on the table. Blood shooting everywhere.*

The hot chick smiles and puts both feet on the table, all decked out in their Shark Attack Spiked Wedges, looking proud of herself. She tells me I shouldn’t swim in shark infested waters, but I don’t hear her. I’m passed out from shock and loss of blood.
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My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Heels: Friendship Is Dollar Bills

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My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Stripper Shoes
People, people, people. I implore you. (Look at me using the big words) Ya gotta keep your girls off the pole. Otherwise they’ll end up dancing in some dark stinky nightclub dancing in these My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Stripper Shoes for some sweaty fat creep who has like two dollars to his name and crumbs all over his shirt. I only went that one time, but that’s beside the point.

Why do they say Toxic Cherry on the side? Cuz when you pop that cherry, it’s like a pinata full of STDs in a green cloud. I’m just guessing. Rainbow Dash? More like Rainbow cash. Or My Little Pole-ny!
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Evil Clown Skull Heels

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Evil Clown Heels
Evil Clown Skull Heels. Nice shoes Bozo! Surprisingly they are not huge like clown shoes. According to the seller they are technically “evil clown shoes with glitter soles”. But no souls of their own until they take yours. Through your feet, which will look like a carnival of horrors.

I’m pretty sure the devil wears these. Not Prada. But won’t know until I check the wife’s shoe collection.

Garbage Pail Kids Flats

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Garbage Pail Kids Flats
Is your name Atom Bomb? Elaine Vein? Wally Tamale? These Garbage Pail Kids Flats are for you. They have Garbage Pail Kids printed all over them. Actually, these are for women. Sorry guys. You’ll have to find some GPK shoes elsewhere.
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T-Rex “Jurassic Pump” Dinosaur Heels

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t rex jurassic pump dinosaur heels
These T-Rex heels are dino-mite! They turn you into a sexy Leg-o-saurus with plenty of Rex-appeal. Word play. Deal with it. I’ve never seen a better pair of Jurassic Pumps and I’ve seen my great great grandmother’s shoes. And you know how I know that oil doesn’t come from dinosaur bones? Because she was ancient and she didn’t turn into oil. I know because they dug up her cemetery to erect a new Arbys.

They say that late at night, when all of the roast beef is put away, a ghostly figure approaches the counter and tries to pay with all nickels. Although that could be any geezer’s ghost.
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