Tag: spooky

It’s For You: Skeleton Hand Phone Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skeleton phone
Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! It’s for you. Oh, thanks! What the shizz?! This cool Skeleton Hand Phone Lamp will light your home and make it look like a skeleton is picking up the phone for you.

*Calls the repairman* Creepy Phone and Lamp Repair Inc.? Hey, the phone part of my lamp doesn’t work. It never rings.

I’ll come out and look at it.

*Two hours later. Creepy looking Beetlejuice looking guy shows up.*

What do we have here?

The ringer doesn’t work!

Hmmmmm. There’s your problem. The ring finger is broken. I see this all the time. *Puts a ring on it.* Goodbye!

*Calls back* It’s still not working. I can call out, but it never rings.

Okay, hang up. I’ll try the line.

Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg!

It works! It works!

Yeah and I think we know what the problem is now. It’s cuz you have no friends. *Sad silence* Fine! I’ll come over and we can play with your bone-phone loser-lamp.

Haunted Candle Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

haunted candles
I hate these haunted candles. I always wind up in a staring contest with them, which only ends when the wax melts down and burns their eyeballs. Or mine. I guess I shouldn’t stand so close. Some people never learn.*Checks my scalp burns on my bald head. Hey I have some stubble now. Cool.*

Look at how surprised they look that their head is on fire. That’s the same face I made. That’s also the face I’m making right now. Prairie-doggin’ it something fierce. I’m out guys. I’ll probably make that face one more time when I discover we are out of toilet paper. Yep. Just happened.
Read more “Haunted Candle Set”

Steampunk Frankenstein Costume

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

steampunk frankenstein
This Steampunk Frankenstein Costume makes Franky look like he’s so bad ass he got kicked out of the Borg Collective. Okay, it’s not technically Frankenstein since that was guy who created the monster. Geesh. Control your nerd rage.

It’s alive Igor!!!!!!! It’s alive!!!!!

Yes master, but why does it need those tubes?

Just looks cool.

His hair is not the best master.

Neither is yours.

His skin doesn’t look so healthy. Are you sure he’s alive master? I just mean, he kinda looks corpse like. Are you sure you don’t have more work to do?

Enough. I’m just not very good at this okay. I’ve had a tough week. Allergies, a wife who wants alimony, been waiting all day for a lightning storm…*Cries* And all you can do is complain. No, don’t touch me! I just need some space.
Read more “Steampunk Frankenstein Costume”

Hand Of Glory Candle Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hand candelabra
This hand of glory candle holder should be very handy when the power goes out. As long as some wizard/mad scientist doesn’t re-animate the thing. I don’t mind a weird re-animated hand pinching my butt so much, it’s the setting fire to my pants that I have a problem with. *Runs around like a cartoon, trailing smoke and jumps in a tub of cold water.* Ahhhhh. That’s much better.

I actually used to have one of these, but then I high-fived it and set the drapes on fire. Now I’m not allowed to have fire-things.
Read more “Hand Of Glory Candle Holder”

Scary Skull Pens

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Skull Pens
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. Which is probably why you see so many swashbucklers armed with ball-point pens. Not! Stupid English sayings. I’ll totally destroy a pen with a sword. I can’t show you right now cuz I’m only allowed to use Nerf swords in the house.

You know what pen might be scarier than a sword? These Scary Skull Pens. They have Skulls on top with red eyes. Pretty cool. Does anyone even know how to use these things anymore? Or have we all de-evolved back to monkeys? Well, if you do know how to use one of these things still, these pens are refillable. I’d fill it with calcium obviously, so my pen continues to have strong bones.