Drink up and raise a toast to serial killers who like to wear hockey masks. This Friday the 13th Morphing Mug says “Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake”. Wow, thanks man, great to be here. Gonna have a fun time. Quick question: That scream I just heard coming from the woods? Is that normal? Just a bird huh? Okay, cool. One more quick question: That Hockey goalie that I just saw chasing a woman through the woods and holding a machete, what’s up with that? Roleplay huh? Well, she must not have been in the mood, cuz she locked herself in that cabin over there and he broke in with that machete. Then screams and silence. I guess you’re right, they probably had make-up sex and are sleeping now. Okay, seems legit. I’ll stay the week.
Tag: strange
Anatomy Pint Glasses
These Anatomy Pint Glasses make it easy for the beer to hit your skull, brain, heart, and ribs real quick. *Slams fist down* Bartender, give me a beer right in my brain! *BAM!* Hitting me in the head with the bottle is not what I meant. I meant, put it in my brain glass. Let’s try this again. I’ll take a white russian in my ribs. *Bartender whistles and a burly Ruskie comes out from the backroom. Punches me in the ribs* Seriously, you just keep that guy back there for times like this? Fine, fine. I’ll take whatever you want in one of your glasses. Oh that’s cute. You gave me the glass with the spider in it that you trapped five minutes ago. Great. Damn, I hurt! Is there a hospital around here?
Vincent Price Cameo Necklace
Vincent Price! Come on down! You are the next contestant on the Price is righttttt! Would you pay any price for a Vincent Price necklace? The price would have to be right. And it is. Even I can afford this and I eat Ramen noodles every night out of sippy cup. It separates the noodles from the MSG juice. That way I have both my meal and a nice drink. Consider that a lifehack peeps! And with that I’m outta here.
If Vincent was born a triplet, he’d be Vincent Thrice. If he were twins, he would be Vincent Twice. Just a little food for thought.
Skull Couch Feet
These Skull Couch Feet are like creepy sneakers for your couch. Cuz your couch’s feet get cold people. Give it some scary Nikes. People be like, Damn! Your couch come wit that?” And you’ll be all like, “Sweet ain’t it?” Your couch be all like, “I look good son! Now get me some badass armrests and a tattoo before I swallow one of you fat-asses whole!”
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Losing My Religion… and My Lunch – Infected Crucifix
If you have an Infected Crucifix like this in your church, you really have a health hazard. Would it kill ya to at least spray some Windex on everything, oh I don’t know, once a century? Cuz I know the bacteria and germs on this thing WILL kill ya. This will be the first time ever that a priest has to be called in to perform an exorcism on the cross itself. Actually, I’m pretty sure this is the cross that creates all demons and bad things in this world, while also smelling putrid, like the puss smell of a thousand zitty butts, when all the zits burst at the same time. Lunch? You lost it.
This piece really grosses me out. Why have you shown me this lord? Why have you cast my eyes upon this? What is the message?
*Booming voice* Because you have an infection you idiot!
Oh….
Is it my weiner? Please don’t let it be my weiner.
Waaaa waaaa waaaa. This is the thanks I get for trying to warn you? Nothing but complaining! NOW it is your weiner!
Oh boy! Starting to feel the burn. Is it too late for some hail marys and a confession?