This Bat Choker Necklace looks awesome. Let me clarify, cuz words can be confusing. This jewelry is called a bat choker, but is not about choking bats. Choking bats is bad and I’m pretty sure it is illegal in at least 11 states. It is in fact a bat that also happens to be a choker… No, I don’t mean that this bat flies around choking victims. That would just be silly and anyway, there hasn’t been a bat-choking case since 1881. And I’m pretty sure that guy choked on a hot dog and just blamed a bat. No, it’s- I give up. I just wanted to share this cool necklace. Sheesh.
Tag: style
Anatomical Heart Earrings
These Anatomical Heart Earrings are awesome. You might say ventricular. In fact, I did just say that. I’m kind of awesome like that. They’re great and I’m not fibbing, I don’t practice defibrillation. I saw these and I was like, “Well put me on the DNR list and smack my butt. Those are awesome.” Then I fainted and they had to get the crash cart and kickstart my ticker. These mini hearts for your ears might just make you a cardiologist or at least a cardi-ear-logist.
Large Medieval Werewolf Ring
Sweet! I finally got my Werewolf class ring! You have no idea what I had to go through in Werewolf Boot Camp to earn this Large Medieval Werewolf Ring. I’m talking tearing through chicken carcasses in under a minute while the coach is all like, “Eat it maggot!” and I’m all like, “That’s not polite at all.” I had to practice holding back my Werewolf-ness on full moons for as long as possible, under the light of an extra moon as the dude mooned me. “Fight it maggot! Do you want innocent civilians hurt?” *Shaking his acne-riddled boot-camp booty.* He’s lucky I only bit his butt once. And this all took forever cuz full moons are like once a month. I earned this baby.
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Memento Mori Mourning Ring
Do you know what Memento mori means? I had to look it up, cuz you know, 3rd grade education here. It means “remember that you must die”. I was like, okay thanks for the advice. And to you? Remember that you must get a fist to your face! Remind me about my mortality will you? Anyway, this Memento Mori Mourning Ring can be worn in morning and in mourning. Anytime you like actually. Anytime you feel like you need a big old fly on your knuckle with a skull on it’s butt. It looks like the Hell’s Angels of flies.
He’s all like, “A picnic? Let me land on your hot dog. have a look at my big old badonkadonk skull! Enjoy the plague!”
Zombie Eyes Bra
Hey baby! Nice Zombie Eyes. This Zombie Eyes Bra will get you all kinds of attention. Know what I mean, bra?
Hey, eyes up here Mister!
Actually, they’re down there. I’m just making eye contact. The Walking Dead? More like Walking D Cups. Did I ever mention that I’m a zombie optometrist. For reals! If you let me feel around I think I can cure those cataracts for you. See, the trick is to massage the zombie ocular areas until those eyes perk right up-
SMACK!
I guess that ends my career in zombie eyeballs. I wasted like 2 days getting that online degree.