Tag: table

This Wearable Cat Table Turns Your Kitty Into A Butler

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cat table
This is a table that your cat can wear. It turns your kitty into a slave. Now, I hear what your sayin’. Cat’s are already slaves to the internets, performing tricks and looking cute so you can haz the feels. But this wearable cat table turns them into real slaves. This may put butlers out of business. The Katatsu suit goes around your cats belly and attaches with velcro. On it’s back is a portable table.

“Jeeves come here I need you. After you finish up with the peeking out of the box game and have completed your crawling inside of the paper bag, press stop on the camera and I shall edit it later. I will then require some tea and krumpets for our guests. You know what to wear. Do provide enough LOLs for the guests. There’s a good cat.”
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Land Line Lighting: Rotary Telephone Table Lamp

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phone light

This old rotary phone may take forever to dial a number, but as a lamp it works instantly. It’s the ultimate in land line lighting.

I have one myself and I like it a lot. Thing is, every time I answer the phone I burn the hell out of my ear and mouth area. So I have trouble talking and I can hear about as well as a 90 year old at an AC/DC concert. People are starting to ask if I have a learning disability. No. I jus hath a cool lump in ma fone. It makes shaving really easy though. When I answer the phone I just rub it around my face for a clean shave before saying Haw-whoa.

Alien Slave Sculptural Side Table

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alien side tableIt is going to be so awesome having my own alien slave side table. It can hold drinks and serve me all of my meals.

Bring me a steak spaceman!

Yes master, how do you want it done? Rare? Well done? Medium well?

Not medium well, you idiot! I’ll have it done ros-well. This time try to be discreet. Cow mutilations are in the news again. Wait a minute! This report says that only the rectum and sex organs were missing. If my steak tastes like cow butt and scrotum E.T will be phoning home with two black eyes.

I already have those master.

Why you smart-mouthed little- *Strangles alien neck like Homer does to Bart*

Zombie Side Table

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie slave tableThis $300 Zombie Slave Side Table will teach those Zombies what happens when they mess with you. Try to eat my brain and you’ll be on your knees serving me my dinner, with a chain around your neck. I have another brain-eater in the bathroom, holding my toilet paper roll on his index fingers.

Now I’m gonna put my food down on the glass surface. DO NOT eat it. No! No! Bad Zombie! Get your tongue out of my pudding. Do you not know what getting smacked in the nose by a rolled up newspaper means?

Ultimate Golfer Side Table With Lamp

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golfer table lampOh Ebay. Does your craziness know no bounds? No. It obviously does not. This bit of geriatric-inspired furniture is a $75 Golfer table lamp. The bottom part looks just like any old timer wiling away his retirement, while the top gives you a view of the green.

If it starts walking toward me, I’m clubbing it with it’s own golf club. Just saying. Where I come from, if you see pants like those approaching you, you yell stranger danger real effin’ loud, otherwise you end up in the back of a van sucking on a lolipop, singing row-row-row-your-boat with funny pants man at the wheel, as tears stream down your face.

Happened to me just last week, but never again! I buy my candy like everyone else now.
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