The trouble with a two headed calf is that you never know what they are trying to say. They say every MOO twice.
MOO-MOO.
What? What is it girl? You complimenting me on my outfit? Yes it is a nice moo-moo. Just something I wear around the house.
It’s a cute calf, but I’m not sure I like it. I think she’s two-faced.
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Nothing to see here. Just your everyday Mummified Sorceress Demon with a snake body. That’s some shizz out of nightmares right there. Not sure if it’s a sorcerer or sorceress. The seller says both. Even after a long talk with Bruce Jenner, he/she can’t figure it out. A dress would certainly de-ugly it some.
Mummified sorcerer on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? No, it isn’t you, so don’t even say it. We both know that isn’t true.
The seller says that this thing kills fairies and can also be dangerous to humans.
His skin oozes a powerful venom and it is also equipped with a DART! It has 2 pairs of arms which one that can turn into wings if necessary.
Whatevs. My skin oozes powerful BO and I got lawn darts. Dude, you are nasty looking.
Ribbit! Hey, look. A giant Monster Toad Head. I should totally kiss it and turn it into a Prince. Just to end it’s imprisonment. *Smooches it’s slimy face.* Well, that didn’t work. He’s still a toad. *Looks in the mirror.* What the deuce?!?! I’m a Prince. And not some dude that’s next in line to run a kingdom. I’m Prince as in Raspberry Beret. The kind you buy from the second hand store. This is friggin’ awesome. *Adjusts my frilly shirt.*
I’m out guys. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999, which means I have to buy a flip-phone and get ready for Y2K.
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This Taxidermy Bat Candelabra is perfect for your haunted house. What? Everybody doesn’t have one? Mine’s been haunted for ages. By me. Sometimes my guests see a hazy green vapor that looks like ectoplasm and it is accompanied by a horrible stench. And the terrible groaning! Well, that’s what I get for eating the Burger King Black Whopper.
Back to the candelabra. It belongs in my batcave. But first I have to walk through like a mile of guano and clear it with the Elder bat. So I think I’ll pass.
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Ladies and gentlemen. The Beetles! *Crowd goes wild.* Replace your nails with beetle wings finger tip rings. Why not? You’ll look like Witch and real witches use beetle wings. Real witches also get houses thrown on them thanks to a girl named Dorothy. So look out for that.
Did you know, if you say beetle wings three time real fast, a beetle will appear. It’s either going to be Paul or Ringo. You feeling lucky?
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