Tag: terrifying

Horrifying Spider Doll

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Horrifying Spider Doll
This nightmare on eight legs is a Horrifying Spider Doll. The seller calls it Wilson the Wolf Spider. I call it, “Kill it! Kill it now!” It’s making me all itchy so I just sprayed like a case full of Raid all over my house. Which is why I have red welts all over my body and am having a hard time breathing. At least I’m not worried about hallucinating, since I have already seen this nightmare. What could be worse?

Uh, that crazy gnome with the grasshopper face and the serial killer knife, comes pretty close. I don’t like how his lower half is a praying mantis, sharpening a second knife on it’s legs….

Update: It’s an hour later. I jumped out of my window and let the place air out. Woke up in the garden. It’s much better now. It’s down to insecticide level 2, which means that the circus troop of flaming monkees now dancing around my living room should be about done. No, I did not misspell monkees. It really is the fake TV band from the 60s!
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Vintage Taxidermy Fox With Human Wax Face

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fox taxidermy with human face
Ahhh. Look at the cute wittle fox. You so cute. You so- HOLY EVER LOVING GOD!

This Vintage Taxidermy Fox With Human Wax Face is freaky as hell. And you just know that scientists have already created something like this in their secret labs, forcing it to do funny tricks and stuff as they take selfies with it. Then when Muldar and Scully get too close to the truth they had to kill it, even though it had become an awesome scientist household pet and would watch Big Bang Theory with them every night, laughing and flinging it’s hybrid poo. The last thing we see is the cigarette smoking man incinerating the body. Ugh! I can’t look at it anymore.
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Terrifying Hand-Knitted Clown Balaclava

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knitted clown mask
This Terrifying Clown Balaclava is some pretty intense knitting. Yo, quit clowning around and take that thing off. I don’t like the way you’re staring at me. Well, say something! Don’t just stand there staring at me and looking all menacing and stuff. I was having a nice relaxing, clown-free day until all this. Uh. What’s with that knife? I’m assuming you are just playing some real life Fruit Ninja, but since I don’t see any other fruit, this lemon is out of here. If you prefer to put on your clown face by using good old fashioned makeup rather than donning a Clown Balaclava, check out this cool Killer Clown Makeup Brush Holder. Because you shouldn’t clown around with your clown face. You have to take that seriously if you’re in the clown game. Your face is your money shot. wait- I mean… Nevermind.

Click through for a bonus pic in which Stephen King endorses this mask. And finds Waldo! A very cute Waldo. I think she is the knitter. Also, I just learned that knitting is not the act of removing nits from some dirty kid’s hair. Or at least it’s not only that. Who knew? You learn something new every day.
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Nasty Human Mouth Coffee Cup

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mouth coffee cup
Is it wrong that these nasty mouth coffee cups make me want to tongue my mug really good to get that last drop of coffee? I’m a sucker for a mouth that looks like it belongs to a sea hag with a serious meth problem. No, meth problem. Not math problem. She only has a math problem if she can’t count the few teeth she has.

These human mouth coffee mugs certainly look enticing. They are based on new technology that makes you vomit a little in your cup for every sip you take. A sip of coffee for a bit of sick sounds like a fair exchange to me. However that anus with a tooth known as “C” really scares me.
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