This Vino De Nosferatu Decanter and Glasses set will let you have a drink with Dracula. Have a nip with Nosferatu. You get free matching table accessories too. Raise a toast. You’ll be Vlad you did. Eck! Your blood tastes terrible. Why do you have to be so negative?
This set looks pretty cool. Way to luxurious and rich for my blood. Which tastes terrible by the way. So don’t invite me over. My blood is a terrible vintage.
Read more “Vino De Nosferatu Decanter and Glasses”
When you’re dead tired, relax on the coffin couch. You spend most of your time on the couch anyway. They might as well bury you in it. Just binge watch your favorite show and then close the lid for a nap. When it’s time for a longer nap, like a dirt nap, just have some friends pick the whole thing up and throw it in a hole in the backyard. Just like how I buried my pet parakeets. Only, you know, like on a 100X larger scale.
If tights could talk, this one would say, “I vant to bite your butt!” Now that’s something to sink your teeth into. These Vampire Teeth Tights are adorable. Perfect for Halloween or just everyday creepwear. I gotta say those are some long legs. You can’t hear me, but I’m doing cat-calls right now and woot-ing it up!
Actually calf calls would be more appropriate since we’re talking tights. You got some nice calves and I ain’t talking baby cows. That lady over there? She’s got nice baby cows. You have nice calves. And that’s no bull.
Live it up with this Leather Coffin Journal. Well, maybe not live it up. Maybe dwell on our impending deaths as we shuffle off this immortal coil. Wow, that even depressed me. Also impressed me cuz it sounded cool. Probably sounded cool as hell to everyone who didn’t see me choke on that lemon starburst and throw myself against the chair to give my self the old Heimlich maneuver.
Anywho, how do you put a bunch of dead bodies in one coffin? This journal is how. It is perfect for drawing a corpse on every page. That way you have a flip book of dead bodies all sharing one coffin. Maybe make it so it decomposes by the end.
Therefore perfect for undertakers and such. If anyone else does it it’s just weird. Yeah, I know it was my idea. Everyone knows I’m weird.
Read more “Leather Coffin Journal”
This Nosferatu Lampshade will light up your life and illuminate the supernatural bloodsucker known as Nosferatu. *Sings* I’m doing all right, getting good grades. My lamp is so bright, it’s gotta wear shades…
This lamp shade is odd really cuz vampires don’t like the light. He should come out when the light goes off, raid your fridge, make a sammich or two and sneak back on the lampshade before you even know anything happened. But what do I know?
How do you know when a vampire has a cold?
He keeps a coffin!
I have proven once again that I can write jokes at a fifth grade level. Go me. Actually I stole that joke from a third grader.
Read more “Nosferatu Lampshade”