Author: Artemis Winterford

Morbid Decor: Human Skull Planter

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Morbid Decor Human Skull Planter
This Human Skull Planter lets you grow your plants in a replica human cranium. It gives a whole new meaning to the term “pushing up daisies”. I think I would put some googly eyes on it though. And wrap a scarf around it’s base. Then again I’m pretty crazy. I do have a green thumb though. But that’s just from getting my hand caught in that vending machine. Stupid Snickers bar. Here’s a joke for ya:

How did this skull get framed? The evidence was planted! Obviously. Excuse me while I laugh at my own lame joke. Humor brought to you by the third grade. I never really left. Well, eventually I was forced to move on, but that’s all in the past. Or not.

Glowing Alien Fetus In A Jar

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Glowing Alien Fetus In A Jar
This Glowing Alien Fetus In A Jar looks like it is about to go nuclear. This is what happens when you have a kid after exposing your nads to the microwave too often. And that’s all I’m saying about that. Well, I’ll say one more thing. Microwave radiation will not turn your junk into The Hulk.

Anyway, look at this little fetus. He has a real de-fetus attitude doesn’t he? You would too if you were a glowing fetus all stuck in a jar and glowing, with a cork on top so you can’t escape. This will make a lovely centerpiece for my table. That way I can dine by fetal light instead of candle light. And ask my wife if she’s ready to have kids.

Frankenberry, Boo Berry And Count Chocula Cereal Box Art

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Frankenberry, Boo Berry And Count Chocula Cereal Box Art
The best cereals have monsters on the box. Like this Frankenberry, Boo Berry And Count Chocula Cereal Box Art. I would hang this on my wall, but I already have the real boxes displayed on my hallway wall. The ants are just a bonus. I probably should have eaten the cereal first. I call it my hallway of cereal horrors.

Boo Berry is my favorite. He’s the ghost with the most! Calories. And sugar! Frankenberry is too flamboyant. He’s trying way too hard. The count? He’s alright. Decorate your walls with cereal dudes. Or if you have a speech impediment, “Surreal dudes”.

Gothic Shoulder Bags For Your iPad

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Gothic Shoulder Bags For Your iPad
These creepy Gothic Shoulder Bags For Your iPad from iRebell will protect your tablet while creeping other people the hell out. That’s always a good thing. Bats are cool. Screw people who don’t get that. Bats are awesome. Sometimes I hang upside down just to be all cool like them. Then I fall on my head and forget what I was doing. The problem is I don’t have sonar. I can get a bonar just fine, ask the ladies, but no sonar. And I will wrap my wings around you and nibble on your neck just like a bat though. I’m very bat-like is what I’m trying to say. If bats were huge in the middle and were barely able to fly and munching on cheese balls all day.
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Cinema Killers Zip-Up Hoodie

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Cinema Killers Zip-Up Hoodie
Ever feel like you want to cover yourself in horror movie maniacs? This Cinema Killers Zip-Up Hoodie makes it possible. It features a collage of your favorite classic horror movie killers, like Michael Myers, Leatherface, Hellraiser, Hannibal Lecter, It the Clown and many more!

This is basically the scariest hoodie ever. It could only be scarier if it was made from the skin of all of these freaks. Damn, I’m dark. Did I just say that. No. That was the hoodie talking. I think it is possessing me. I have a strong urge to wear a hockey mask with a bladed glove.