Author: Artemis Winterford

Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates

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Calamityware Disastrous Dinner Plate Dishes
You know those old plates that your grandmother had? The ones with the cobalt blue patterns, with floral designs and landscapes? These are like those plates. Only cooler. Don Moyer creates this line of Calamityware dinner plates. They have all kinds of weird and disaster type themes like flying monkeys, a UFO attack, giant robots and giant sea monsters.

See grandma! My plates are way cooler! Even if I can’t feed myself cuz I’m an adult man-baby. Where’s my mac and cheese already?
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Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street Coffin Box

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Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street Coffin Box
This Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street Coffin Box reminds me of that time I pranked Freddy, putting the glue on the coffin box and waiting for him to put his hand down. Good times. He was so mad, slashing everywhere and cursing. Just smacking stuff instead of slashing it. Dude invaded my dreams for a week, but he couldn’t stay mad at me.

Now Jason Voorhees. That dude can’t take a joke. You paint pink flowers and My Little Ponies on one hockey mask and he’s all like, I’m gonna chop your door down with a machete and hack you to bits. What a nut. Even now a month later, I can see him outside of my window just standing there looking creepy.
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Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case

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rattlesnake i phone 6 case
Sweeeet! Check out this Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case. You can set your ringtone to a snake hiss and look all awesome when you pull your phone out with a Rattlesnake head attached. Even if it will bite you with every call.

Too bad I can’t use it. I just upgraded to an iPhone 3. Of course I also recently upgraded to a computer smaller than a refrigerator. It is SO nice to be able to see pictures on the internet. I had no idea that Facebook really was full of faces. That thing has faces everywhere. I’m in the process of moving over from Myspace. Ah hell. BRB The ice delivery guy is here. Now I can buy groceries! WOOT!

For Your Little Creeper’s Wish List: CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy

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csi facial reconstruction toy
Oh yeah. The CSI Facial Reconstruction Toy is just what every kid wants. Your child of 10 years + will love reconstructing the ghastly features of crime victims, by modeling clay on the skull of a fake corpse in an attempt to reconstruct that broken face and catch a bad guy.

What do you want for Christmas little Timmy?

I want to play with a corpse face and uncover the clues of how the victim died! *Huge smile that says please! Please! Please!*

*Looks at kid* Somebody get this little creeper a therapist or something. I’m sleeping with one eye open Timmy. Get some friends ya little freak!
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Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

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Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
You say tomato, I say tomatoe. Can’t we just agree that this Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sculpture looks like a grumpy old mater who lost his teeth? Of course we can. If he had a fist he would be shaking it, telling you to get out of his garden!

Plus he’s got some serious chapped lips. Thanks monsanto! Grumpy old tomatoes are just what we needed. I hope it bites my neck in the night rather than a slow death by telling me boring ass stories about when he was a kid.

Click through for a creepier pic.
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