The best part of waking up is Cthulhu in your cup. It’s true. With every sip he tickles my nose and my tastebuds with his coffee soaked tentacles. These Cthulhu Coffee Mugs are spec-tentacle-tacular. I’m not even awake until I’ve had my Cthulhu brew in the morning.
When I down that drink, I look to the bottom of the mug and we lock eyes. He winks. I wink. Then I slam the cup down in satisfaction and break it into a million shards. He finds a new mug for a home and we do the whole thing over again the next day. Read more “Cthulhu Coffee Mugs”
And you wanna be my latex salesmen? This 9 Shades Of George Costanza Pillow shows 9 of George’s most famous scenes from Seinfeld. Much like this blog, it’s a show about nothing.
There are 9 squares of George, with not a square to spare. You can get it as a pillow, an art piece, a pair of leggings, a tote bag, whatever. Having 9 Shades Of George Costanza around your house is kind of like having me there with you. We both know you picture me as short, fat and balding. Don’t deny it. I really don’t look like him. It’s the shrinkage! Shrinkage!
So many Seinfeld references, so little time. I do wear the manzier though. It’s just comfy.
Make your shower rad and awesome with this 3D Printed T-REX Skull Shower Head. There’s no manlier shower than one that simulates a T-Rex spew-puking all over you. To get you clean of course. Look how sharp those teeth are. If this thing bit me I would be super sore? *How sore?* Dino-sore! Obviously.
I would install this thing in my shower and paint a body behind it so I could get the full effect. Then I would make it so it looks like his stubby T-Rex arms are holding my soap and shampoo. Clean me T-Rex! Clean me! Suds are your enemy! Clean the species who now own this planet and behold our majesty! Arrggggggghhhhh! Who flushed the toilet? Read more “3D Printed T-REX Skull Shower Head”
Alien encounters can be awkward and not just because they stick stuff in ya without buying you dinner first. Because you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. This E.T. Extraterrestrial Communication Knowledge Transfer Device will help. So the next time they come to abduct you in the night, you’ll be able to understand their language.
That’s when you find out that they think humans are just a game of operation. The Goofy Game for Goofy Doctors. I know when I bought one of these, I heard “Alien Gary” bitching to “Alien Mike” about how his wife doesn’t understand him because his quasar zoomboffulator was overpriced and out of warranty and it makes a real miff-zi-stache of his home life. “Alien Mike” owns a Zeff farm full of grazing Zergnars and recently got caught “nerfing the herd”, which is why he got stuck on this sh***y work detail.
I was all like, “Guys, I know I’m gonna forget about all of this later, but please, concentrate on the task at hand! Damn that hurts. Pay attention. Am I impregnated yet or what? Gary, you gotta man up and face the wife! Mike… Mike, you’re just sick. Seriously. Get away from me. Gary, let’s hurry this up. I have an early morning tomorrow.
Your purse is a guppy! This purse is a shark! Embrace the shark ladies! This Open Mouth Shark Purse is hungry and waiting for all of your lady stuff. No, that didn’t sound right. I mean, like your lipsticks, eyeliner and whatever else you ladies keep in your purses. Wear it during shark week.
Just like a real shark’s mouth, everything disappears forever once it goes into a purse. I don’t know how many times my phone number has mysteriously disappeared when a woman sticks it in her purse. I’m gonna need a bigger note. Get it? Jaws. Need a bigger boat? Oh whatever. Of course, that was before cell phones. Which are now the new shark. Oh, sorry my phone ate your number. Do you want it again? Uh, no.
