Category: Creep Wear

Scary Stilettos And Horror Heels

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

horror movie shoes
Etsy seller BabaRegali makes all kinds of custom high heels, but the best are the ones based on horror movies. There’s Chuckie, Friday The 13th, Freddy Kreuger and more. Below are just a few samples of their work, which combines the horror of movies with the horror of wearing high heels. Not that I would know anything about that.

Shut up, it was just that one time! I only put them on to stomp a few bugs. I just forgot I was wearing them for a few hours, that’s all. The nightgown was to protect me from mosquitoes! They are bad this time of year. The bra? Yeah that was all me just being a perv. I’ll own that one.
Read more “Scary Stilettos And Horror Heels”

Ant Watch: Half Past Drone O’Clock And Quarter To The Queen

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

ant watch

The Ant Watch lets you tell the time with real living ants. No, not really. It’s just an April Fools joke. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wear it. It’s the first watch that literally lets you kill some time. With Raid!

What time is it?

Ants.

Now?

Ants.

*5 hours later* What about now?

Dead ants. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. Time to play the Pink Panther. I’ll be Cato, you be Inspector Clouseau. *Karate chop to your neck! Lunges at you with the curtain rod and falls out the opposite window.*

The Bra Pouch: Shake Your Money Maker

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bra purse
Etsy seller JamesKelleysShop offers some unique coin purses that are made out of women’s bras. These over the shoulder boulder holders will hold coins, make up, your ID, everything but baby milky snacks. James is clearly a bro that loves bras. As are we all. Looking for something a little bigger to hold your tablet? Tough titty.

Don’t be a boob, carry your most important accessories the same way women carry theirs.

Pro tip: Can be used as an awesome and effective slingshot when needed. Put a rock in it and hit some dude on the head so he grows a nipple on his scalp. No, don’t do that bra. I mean bro!

Women’s Hot Dog Stretch Pants

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

womens hot dog pants
Now, normally when I meet a fine lady sporting a hot dog, I run the other way. But these Women’s Hot Dog Stretch Pants are the exception. It’s like I always say, “A woman with a hot dog inside the pants is a problem, but a woman with with hot dogs all over? On the outside? That’s a keeper”. Yeah, I’ve actually had to say that. Through tears. Crazy world.

You can get all kinds of fun food stretch pants for your buns as well as other styles. They cloned that girl in the pic below to show you how they all look.
Read more “Women’s Hot Dog Stretch Pants”

Wolf Coat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

silver wolf costume
This Wolf Coat simulates what happened to me last week. There was a full moon and I transformed and started howling like crazy until they locked me up in a cage and waited for me to transform back to my pasty naked self in the morning. The next day the sheriff was all like, “The moon wasn’t even full last night.”

I was all like, “Sheriff, you gotta do something about those kids mooning people. Between that and my wife bending over, I never get any damn peace! Did you bring my clothes and 3 rotisserie chickens like I asked?”